


In our ideal world

by demonn



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Biracial Tony stark, Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, Bucky Barnes is Not the Winter Soldier, Bucky Barnes is not here for your shit, Extremis, Family Drama, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Italian Tony Stark, I’ve butchered canon, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) is a Good Bro, Jarvis lived, M/M, Mutual Pining, Natasha is not as good a bro as she can be, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Very Steve Friendly, Not comic book extremis or movie extremis, Not very Clint friendly, Parent Bucky Barnes, Pietro Maximoff Lives, Protective Bucky Barnes, Protective Tony Stark, Steve is kind of a dick in this, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Wanda is dead, bucky is called James, japanese Tony stark, like damn what have I done to it, no beta we die like men, this is really shitty, winteriron
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2019-09-05 03:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonn/pseuds/demonn
Summary: James is not enjoying this. Not at all.*The adventures of James Barnes: father, consultant and lover of men ( read: Tony stark )





	1. Chapter 1

"Can you please explain to me why you thought that removing the basic foundation of the building would be a good thing to do after I told you not to do it?" James cocked a brow , metal fingers clenching and unclenching around his pen. "Come on , speak up. You had a lot to say earlier."

Steve opened and closed his mouth , imitating a particularly stunned goldfish. "The building would have collapsed anyway , there was a bomb-"

"That Bruce was defusing. You wasted time and compromised the mission agent Rogers. I am very disappointed." James briefly wondered of this was the side affect of being a father , not a bad one , but a side affect nonetheless. He'd perfected the 'crippling fatherly disappointment' look , as Vasily - his son- liked to call it. He'd described it as a soft frown , with a slight furrow of his brow , his head shaking slightly as he sighed for extra disappointment. If he raked a hand through his hair then that expressed just how much fatherly dissatisfaction he possessed.

He had tried it on him once , just to convey how guilty you would feel after getting the look. Even on his chubby , 7 year old face , the expression looked positively guilt worthy. James had made a mental note to tone down the disappointment.

It seemed , though , that this face didn't work in 90-something year old Avengers who thought they were in the right. Cap matched his stare , eyes hardening then softening , then hardening again , with a sort of new found righteousness that Steve seemed to fuel his every move with.

In an attempt to invoke some kind of sympathy (or empathy) from someone , he turned his eyes to Tony , watching as the man smirked at James' disappointed face. Ok , so maybe the 'crippling fatherly disappointment' look just didn't work on Avengers or adults in general , that didn't mean he was going to stop doing it whenever he was disappointed.

"We didn't have time to defuse the bomb , Bruce said so himself , not with all the HYDRA agents waiting on us , and Tony refused to do it since he was helping out Nat and Clint," Steve rebuked , arms crossing over his chest , still covered in his red , white and blue ( because god forbid he doesn't wear something that doesn't advertise his love for all things good and American ) armour. James watched Tony deflate a little , the thin blue lines stretching across his arms glowing as he frowned.

"That doesn't give you clearance to destroy a building in that way , Agent Rogers, HYDRA facility or not. There could have been casualties, HYDRA agents could have escaped without anyone knowing because the building was collapsing. We had a clear plan , Rogers, and you went against it," James sighed , taking a hand through his hair frustratedly. "We had to go through the ruins to see if there was anyone we could take alive. We needed clearance to go through some of the levels , we needed bodies for that ,specific bodies. Bodies we could not find. We could not just blow ourselves in there like you suggested. Things could have gotten destroyed. Now we have to find another facility with information from that facility and that just makes my job harder."

James sighed again , shoes tapping in the wooden floor. He fixed his eyes in a potted plant , an areca palm , in the corner of the room , willing it to burst into flames. He hoped that he didn't have to miss his meeting with Vasily's teacher later that day because of this , he'd had it scheduled for weeks , and it was bad show for him to miss it now. He'd also promised to take him out for ice cream afterwards and to the book store to pick up a book, then he had to call his ex to see if she was still on for that visit to the zoo, and god , being a single father was hard.

"I understand you're a busy man , Agent Barnes-" Steve started , but James cut him off.

"So you'll understand when I tell you I can't extend this meeting. I will be here tomorrow to outline the new mission perimeters, ones that you will not ignore," James paused , glancing down at his watch. "I'll be leaving after I eat something. Do not attempt to change my mind. I can assure you , it will not be changed. Tomorrow , I want all the Avengers , hurt or not , to be here, present for the meeting. It seems I have some things to go over."

James stood up , levelling Steve with a hard stare , nodding at Tony civilly. It took a lot not to melt into a puddle of desire and hope under Tony's heated stare , anyone with eyes thought the guy was hot , even him. He hadn’t properly dated anyone since he started being a consultant for the Avengers , but he mostly put that down to Tony Stark being the hottest guy alive and setting the bar so high that no one would ever measure up to him. Plus , now that he'd taken his new and improved 'Phoenix serum' , he was technically just around James age , give or take a few years. Sure , he'd been alive for 48 years , but Cap was 90-something years old biologically , but 27 years old physically.

(James had to admit that it was also because people generally didn't want a 35 year old single dad who was extremely involved in his work and still maintained a relationship, although reluctantly, with his ex )

He walked off , willing himself not to turn around , to where he knew that a sandwich would be waiting for him. He didn't know who made him these sandwiches , but JARVIS had assured him that they were safe to eat , each and every time , so he really didn't have a problem with them. Plus , who would turn one of them down. There were made with wholewheat bread , spread thickly with a kind of alcoholic jam ( raspberry and amaretto maybe ) on a slice and on the other slice , a slightly thinner layer of dark chocolate spread. They were amazing , and James thanked every deity for the person that was making these sandwiches.

He finished it quickly , wiping his hands on a paper towel , checking his watch once again. He sighed , trying to imagine what Vasily could possibly be doing to incite disapproval from his teacher. Mr. Thatcher and Miss. Hutchinson hadn't relented in the meeting , reminding him every so and so. Carlina had been aghast when he'd told her he was sending Vasily to a private nursery , insisted that he could go to a public one.

It hadn't been the first time that James had taken a stand against his ex girlfriend. He'd been terrified for a moment , before he remembered that he was one of the best consultants in America , even at 30. He'd trained in Russian spy facilities owned under British higher ups , he'd lost his arm at 15 in a train crash and bounced back from it. He'd lost his parents at a young age , acquired new , dangerous ones , that he'd also lost , and he hadn't even cried at the funeral. Why the fuck would he be scared of his ex girlfriend?

It had clicked suddenly , this was his child's mother. Sure , he had primary custody , but this was still Carlina Santiago ( now Evans ) and he'd been in love with her once.

He'd stood firm , argued with her until he was raw in the throat , until it was late at night and her new boyfriend was wondering where she was. Argued until he got his way. He wanted the best for Vasily , something he hadn't always had. His childhood had been a mess of pain and secrets , he'd learnt how to fight a grown man and win at the age of 11, learnt how to head a whole team of highly trained spies when he was only 14, learnt how to be perfect in every sense of the word.

Carlina , was headstrong , it had been one of the reasons he'd loved her at one point. Now? It was a pain in his arse. She was hell bent on repairing her relationship - platonic relationship - with him now that she was happily married. Carlina , who didn't care what James named her son ( even if she heavily favoured Alexis). Carlina , who was married and happy and didn't care whether her son wanted to see her or not. Carlina , who was always busy.

So he'd sent Vasily to a private school and drove him to school every morning and loved him because his mother barely could.

He was sure that if Carlina heard about it , she would throw a fit.

*

"Mr. Barnes," said Miss. Hutchinson," please take a seat."

James reluctantly sat down , silencing his phone from the onslaught of emails the team was sending him. "Good afternoon , Miss. Hutchinson. Pleasant day , right?" He tried for a smile , before letting it drop.

"Yes , pleasant," she levelled him with a look that James had begun to describe as the 'unpleasant teacher stare. "You understand that you've been called to this meeting because of Vasily's behaviour?"

James wanted to point out that he had been the one to schedule the meeting , but settled for a nod instead , silently drumming his table against the wooden desk.

Miss. Hutchinson shuffled her papers , perhaps a nervous habit? James noted it down mentally all the same. "Vasily has been ... disruptive in the past few weeks. Speaking out of turn in class and often engaging in worrying arguments with other children. His work , however , has displayed that he has above average intelligence for a child his age , and that he obviously understands what he has been doing in class and to other teachers."

James cocked his head slightly at her , the only outward sign of his confusion. After a moment , she continued. "We have issued him with many warnings , going as far to withhold some activities from him , such as cooking and break time , instead making sure he spends them with Mr. Thatcher or Mrs. Konstantin in her office. He has refused to speak up about what is making him engage in such .. enthralling and lengthy arguments with other classmates. I was wondering if you may have an inkling with what has happened? Maybe anything about his mother?"

James paused , turning the thought over in his mind. "A visit to his mother is coming up , one that his stepbrother is attending. Things are a bit tense between them , I inferred that it was mostly a battle for affection. His mother is very busy as I am , and cannot always make time for him. Thus , I think it agitates Vasya that he has to share his mothers affection was another child , one much older and more comprehensive than he is." James paused , gauging Miss. Hutchinson's reaction to what he had said. "I always thought Carlina could have made more of an effort with Vasily , but it's not in me to judge her parenting skills , or how she spends time with her son."

Miss. Hutchinson nodded, her expression softening when she realised that James was being sincere. "Vasily is a wonderful child , outside of his transgressions - he could go far. Far further , in my opinion , than some people I know. But I must implore with you , for the sake of peace in the class room , to have a talk with him about his behaviour."

James nodded understandingly , offering up a small smile at the dark skinned woman. "I understand. Thank you for agreeing to set up this meeting , Miss. Hutchinson."

She smiled. "It was no problem Mr. Barnes."

James gave another smile , before standing from the comfortable , but impersonal , chair , and exiting her office.

He found Vasily waiting outside , bundled up in his usual dark green coat , playing with the hem of his shirt distractedly. "Dad?" He said , looking up at James uncertainly. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No , nothing’s wrong," James said , frowning slightly. "But we've got to have a talk Vasya , about your behaviour in class."

Vasily paled slightly , hand stilling as James went to pick up his bag. James paused as well , turning to the boy with that same disappointed expression in his face. "But first , ice cream."

*

James licked at his cone slowly , trying to work up the courage to approach the subject. Parenting was hard , that was not a new revelation , but he'd never had to talk to Vasily about his problems with his mother. It had never come up , he knew logically that it would have to one day , but Vasily had seemed content with his life as it was. It had never occurred to James that his frustration was going to manifest in other ways.

"Vasya," he started. "Your teacher and I had an interesting conversation about how you were behaving in class. She said you were arguing with other children and getting in trouble in class. She said that maybe it had something to do with your mother and your upcoming trip to the zoo on Saturday."

Vasily drooped , his feet stopped swinging and his lips curled into a frown. "Mama said that Alexander was coming with us to the zoo on Saturday because Charles had work and there would be no football practice so he has to come with us."

James nodded understandingly, he supposed that maybe it was important for Vasily to get to know Alexander as his older brother. Though it seemed to him , that Alexander possessed a genuine hatred for him , one that seemed to manifest the first time he had met the boy , after a year and a half of Carlina and Charles dating.

The blond had refused to speak to him , or to address him at all. It had been a tears night for all of them , especially Vasily , considering he was only 2 years old at the time. "Yes , she told me. But Vasily , дорогая, she only wants you 2 to get on together , for Alexander to get to know you." James was sure that was her intent but Alexander was 14 , he could look after himself for a little while , or stay at a friends. He didn't have to go with them to the zoo.

"But mama had said it would just be us!" Vasily said defiantly , caring little about the fact that ice cream was running down his hands. "She said she would take me to the zoo! Not Alexander! He hates me and I haven't even done anything to him."

James ran a hand through his hair before relaxing. "Sometimes people dislike you for no reason, but Vasily , he doesn't hate you. He's just having trouble adjusting to the fact that he has a little brother, even if it's been 5 years. And your mother means well , she's trying and that's enough right? You cannot fault someone if their trying."

Vasily reluctantly nodded , still a bit miffed about this new revelation. He was young still , and didn't understand that Carlina really was trying. All he saw was that she'd promised to take him to the zoo alone and she'd broken that promise. 

"Now come in , cheer up , I'll call her later and see if she can adjust the plans a little. I know it seems unfair because Alexander is with her all the time and you only get to see her every week , but maybe Alexander wanted to come to the zoo with you and see the tigers as well."

Vasily gave James a flat look , one that reminded him slightly of himself when he was younger, and sighed dramatically. "But Alexanders old , he could go by himself. And pay taxes like you do."

James laughed , swiping a stray piece if hair out of his eyes. "He's not old enough to pay taxes , you have to be an adult to do that and believe it or not , Alexander is not an adult. Sure , he's old enough to go out by himself , but sometimes he might want to go out with another adult. If I told you the moment you turned 13 I would no longer take you out to the zoo , or to the winter fair , or on holiday , you would be upset , right?" Vasily nodded vigorously, James wished with every birthday candle he'd previously wasted that the boy would never get tired of him. "See, it would be unfair to tell Alexander your mother or Charles would no longer take him anywhere."

"I guess," Vasily trailed off , kicking his feet again , it was more agitated now , though. Like he was finally coming to terms with the fact that maybe James was right.

"I'll call your mother anyway , just to make sure he really is coming , and if he is , you'll know for sure on Saturday. Now come on , we need to get home. Dinner won't serve itself."

*

Dinner had been uneventful , as uneventful it can get with a 7 and a half year old anyway. It was mostly filled with questions that made James stumble over the general existence of things really. ("How deep can a pan be before it gets called a pot ,dad?"

"I don't know, I'll tell you when I find out."

"How deep can a plate be before it gets called a bowl?"

"I don't know."

"How deep can a spoon be before it gets called a bowl , and why does a fork have 3 prongs?"

"I don't know.")

After tucking in the wide eyed child , thankfully now question less , and reading out a couple of chapters of Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets , James sat down in his bed and prepared himself for what was likely to be a difficult conversation.

He'd changed out of his formal suit and tie into a pair of black jogging bottoms and a faded shirt that read 'demon' with two little horns , that he'd gotten from an old coworker of his , Ivan , for his birthday. It was sort of an old inside joke when he was still managing that team , a nickname of sorts that had stuck. Now , Ivan was under new control, working for someone else , and hopefully happy about it. He didn't often keep track of the people he had worked with , but Ivan had been good , too good for the jobs he had done and the life he had lived , and most importantly , Ivan was young. Too young to have witnessed half of the horrors he had. So James had kept track of the blond haired boy for a while , before eventually letting him go.

James sighed again , pulling his hair up into a something that resembled a bun in an attempt to stall. He chided himself mentally for feeling so afraid , before gathering up the courage and calling Carlina.

The phone rang for a while , before she picked up , the sound of a tv playing in the background. "Yeah , hello?" She said , slight accent lilting around the words.

"Yeah , Carlina. It's James," he said , somewhat awkwardly. Sure , he was good at what he did ( he had to be , or he wouldn't be managing the avengers ) but Carlina had always been easier to gauge in person. He knew all her micro expressions , all her ticks and tells , all her habits and the like , but she had changed and with change came new ticks and habits and tells and micro expressions , ones that he had only bothered to learn in passing. "I'm calling about the trip to the zoo , Saturday? Just to make sure it's still on."

There was a pause over the line , then a shuffle. "Yeah , we're still on. Alexander still has to come though , he can't go over to a friends , or stay with his dad. He has to prepare for something that's going on at work. It gets hectic at SI ,you know?"

James rolled his eyes , happy he could do it in the comfort of his own home. "Yes , I know. I work there. But you know , the whole Alexander thing? To put it straight , Vasya is sensitive about it , he's got it in his mind that you've broken a promise or something." He tried to play it off like an uncertain thing , though he knew exactly what his sin was trying to tell him. He'd played this game before and never once had he lost.

"Well ... what's he saying?"

"That you promised him it would be just your two , no Alexander or Charles or me or anyone else. Just the two of you and the tigers. Now you're bringing Alexander , he thinks he has to battle for your affection." James paused , thinking it over. "You should try , you know , to do the one on one thing with him. Just you and him , no one else. It could be a good thing to do."

Carlina let out a snort at his statement , and James could hear the faint sound of running water into what he presumed to be , from the skin , a glass cup. "They're brothers , James. They should bond."

"Sure , bonding , whatever," James conceded. "But what about the two of you bonding. He seems to think that you can't remember anything about him. Like the pizza thing and food days."

"You're still carrying that on?" She let out an affronted groan. "Let the kid eat what he wants to eat James , stop forcing diets and fads on him."

"I'm not forcing anything on him!" This was not the way that James wanted this to go , not at all. "We sat together and we decided. It's not completely out of this world for me to tell him you can only have McDonald's on Saturday and pizza on Friday or that on Mondays he can't eat meat and Tuesdays he can't eat fish! It's not like he's missing anything, Carlina! He's 7 , it's better to teach kids how to mind what they eat at a young age. It's not like I'm forcing him to only eat gluten free foods , or completely give up meat , or whatever."

"He's a kid , James. All of this fancy shit you wanna instill in him is utter shit that he just ends up repeatin' to me when somethin' doesn't go his way. You gotta let the kid be a kid James." Her typical New York accent loosened the words and James had a hard time keeping a solid train of thought.

"I am letting him be a kid. He goes to school , he goes to the park , he eats ice cream and feeds the ducks and reads books and plays with other kids. It's not like he's socially depraved , he just goes to a school for richer kids and wears expensive clothes and eats different foods." Really , James didn't see organic food as different , it was still food , just organic and it was still all the same meals 7 year olds liked to eat. "I'm just giving him the childhood I didn't always have."

"So this is about living your life through him," Carlina scoffed , and James could almost hear her raising her eyebrows judgementally.

He spluttered. "That's not what I'm fucking saying. I'm giving him the childhood my parents couldn't always give me , not wanting for anything , knowing the ins and outs of life , learning how to work hard. I didn't learn that with my bio parents , when I was 7 my parents were dead! I learnt all that shit , got all that shit , from my adoptive parents and I wanna raise him how they raised me. If I done everything down to how they did it , I would be living In England or Russia , in some big empty house , and Vasya'd be some lonely boy who's friends were all approved for him and had no free fucking time. So yeah! He has a good life just a more expensive one!"

"The last time I saw the boy I asked him if he wanted to feed the ducks some bread. I got a whole speech about how daddy told him this and daddy told him that and in the end he didn't even want to feed them because it wasn't the usual ducks in the usual park he went to!"

"That sounds like some normal shit for a 7 year old child!" James rebuked , hands flailing in the process since he knew no one could see him anyway.

"He won't even let me cut his hair , says Marc with a 'c' has to do it for him!"

"Marc is his fucking barber , it's not that big of a deal! Try to get to know him better instead of just assuming. He's really fucking smart Carlina , it's not like he's just figuring this out as he goes along , he thinks that he has to tell you all this random shit because you barely know him at all."

"How am I meant to know him , hm? He doesn't wanna do shit with me , he doesn't wanna spend time with my family , what am I meant to fucking do?"

"Find out what the fuck he wants to do! He's 7 , he's not going to be as straight forward as Alexander! 7 year olds are fluctuating disasters , developing personalities! One day he might like snakes and not tigers! Hell if I know!" James sighed again , run ragged by the conversation. "But you still got to make an effort to find out what he likes. What he does , habits and tells and routines."

"You're acting like he's something to be solved," she said after a moment. "You treated me like I had to be solved as well."

"I don't treat him like he has to be solved , but sure , I treated you like you were to be solved," a flash of a smile flickered across his face for a second. Calculating and cold. "I treated you like you were a problem to be solved and I'm not going to say I'm sorry for that , cause I know you thought of me that way as well. But I am going to say that I'm sorry that you never got to solve me."


	2. Chapter 2

The sun flickered across the kitchen , warming the homely hardwood floors and dark , sleek surfaces.

The room was awash with the sounds of a usual morning , a new sound peppering the ones that already existed around it.

At first , mornings had been efficient for him. Feed the baby at this time , change his diaper at this time , take him to daycare at this time. It was all about order and control in a situation that should have been uncontrollable.

But as Vasily got older and thus started making decisions for himself , James had found that just letting the morning decide itself was way easier and not as stressful.

He woke up at a set time , of course , and they left at a set time , but the in between? Left up to how they felt that day.

Cereal or toast? Pancakes or waffles? Tea or hot chocolate? It was up to them at this point.

That morning had been a sunny morning , and with sunny mornings came pancakes with whipped cream smiley faces and strawberries for hair. On the side , was hot chocolate , because even though it was a sunny morning , it was as cold as the abominable snowman's arse crack.

Vasily kicked his legs as James drove him down to school , dressed in a sweater patterned with little lightening bolts and black jogging bottoms that James had thought he'd lost.

James , as usual , wore a suit , but he'd decided to mix up the tie and suit and wore the navy tie instead of the burgundy one he normally wore with that particular suit. Suits , he found , made him look more in control , so he wore them to work all the time.

He pulled up to the school , all the while reminding Vasily to improve his behaviour , and got out of the car , locking it behind them.

Compared to a lot of other parents , he was surprisingly the most in control. Truth be told , that wasn't much of a surprise. He'd taught Vasily that he wasn't going to run with that screaming shit and that whether he liked it or not , he was going to go to school and no tears would change that. It wasn't like James was completely heartless , he would comfort his son when comfort was needed , but he wasn't going to coddle him at all. His parents - both sets - had never coddled him , and he supposed that he had turned out relatively fine. There were a lot of other variables in his own childhood that would never occur in Vasily's, but he was right ( he hoped ) about the coddling thing.

That particular morning , he couldn't tell whether it was Marceline or her mother who was crying ( he secretly suspected it was her mother , Winifred had always been emotional ) all he knew that it was loud , and he was lingering , and that all the other mothers ( and sometimes father's ) would sense him like a shark would sense blood in the water.

Single parents were surprisingly hot , not that the fact he was one got him any dates , and were a hit among married parents. Once the children left , it seemed like everyone's personality just flipped. Arthur was talking about the pretty ladies he saw on his cruise with Zakarias Schmidt , while his wife - Jennifer - was making plans to go out an get drunk with all the other mothers.

James left fairly quickly , not partial to the talks of vintage wine and trashy vodka , heading to his car silently. Normally , he would try and make talk with one of the other parents, Darwin or Marion or one of the other parents he was friendly with, but seeing as they weren't there today , and he was running a tight schedule , he slipped past and left , firing up the engine and backing out of his parking spot.

It was only 9am , so he supposed that maybe he had time to take a stroll through the park , or go to his favourite cafe , or answer some emails , before he had to go to that meeting. It wasn't often that he got free time to himself , having to divide his time between his son , and being a consultant and flushing out HYDRA. Sometimes he wondered what it would have been like if he had just decided to be normal. Marry some lucky bastard and live in a white , picket , fenced home with 3 kids and a golden retriever. He would have worked in accounting , or maybe as a professor and marked papers a his husband or wife cooked dinner for him and their children , and they would have eaten it after saying their thanks , because that what very normal people did.

He supposed , that's what Carlina did now. After all , he'd seen it happen. She had a dog ( a terrier ) , her husband was an accountant for SI , she had two children and wanted two more with Charles. She didn't live in a picket fenced home , but her apartment in a friendly , family orientated neighbourhood was basically the New York equivalent of that.

James shook his head again , fiddling with the radio in an attempt to clear his mind. This was not the time for dwelling in what could have been , there was never time to dwell. Only time to move forward. You could only move forward.

(It was only ever about adapting and over coming )

*

Tony Stark, was a force to be reckoned with. He was dangerously hot , dangerously intelligent and dangerously unpredictable.

James hadn't expected him to be early for their meeting , or this well dressed. As long as James had known him , Tony had always been a tank top and ratty sweatpants kind of guy while he was in his own home, and personally James had always thought he was just as hot in that as he was in one of his sharp suits.

He'd only schooled himself to handle tank top and sweatpants Tony , not t shirt and trousers Tony. This Tony - god , this Tony - was like the devil with good skin. It was like his mission was to permanently disable James impulse control and leave him a wreck in the middle of the conference room.

The white shirt Tony wore was tight , showing off his hard , Extremis earned muscles , and the thin blue , vein like lines that ran up his arm and dispersed into nothingness just around his wrists. His grey trousers were just tight enough to show off his arse , and god , James felt like he was going to die.

All he could do was set his face into a thin line that he hoped masked his interest , and grip his papers tighter and pray to god that they didn't shred between his fingers.

James sat down tentatively, smiling warmly at Tony before hopelessly turning his attention to his papers. "Hello , Tony. Nice afternoon , ain't it?"

Tony smirked back at him. "I wouldn't know , I haven't been outside of my lab. But seeing you has made my day much , much , better."

James stilled , cocking his head slightly and shuffling his papers into order again. Tony stark brand flirting had always been something to aim for , but experiencing it was really another thing entirely. "Yes , well. Thank you." James thought for a moment before turning back to his papers , settling for that little (seemingly awkward) parting remark.

“How are your children. I recall you telling us on multiple occasions that you were a parent , Terminator," Tony leaned his head in his chin , blinking innocently at him with those big , brown , honey whiskey eyes.

"A child , and he's doing fine. I hope. He's been having trouble connecting with his mother," James sighed , shaking his head slightly and straightening his tie. "He's unpredictable and unsolvable and I cannot help him even if I wanted to. This is between them , I am no part of the equation."

Tony hummed , face softening. "Those things just gotta work themselves out. Can't really do much if you're an outside variable. Especially when they're young and headstrong."

"Vasily is certainly young and headstrong," James said softly , placing his papers down on the table. "But not righteous. He knows when to back down and when to make it seem like he backed down. He's smart , he's always got a plan."

Tony laughed , a sound that was simply harmonious to James ears. "God , I remember being like that when I was young. Always had a plan but I never followed it , always turned out great in the end anyway. Howard never really cared , as long as I didn't get in his way , but I can see you're making an effort. I can tell you love him and that's all that a kid really needs."

"My ex thinks that as well," James admitted , but now he was smiling. "Always uses it against me when she sees him wearing some expensive shit or repeating my words back to her. Not that I don't agree , just want to give him a good life. A better life than I had."

"Daddy issues?" Tony asked , raising an eyebrow.

"My parents died when I was younger. My adoptive parents raised me to be a fucking spy. I got in a train crash when I was 15 and lost my arm and my father , then I lost my mother shortly afterwards. Never really recovered from it." James shrugged , fiddling with the straps of his watch. "But this meeting wasn't scheduled to talk about my shortcomings , it's to talk about the teams. Any idea where the rest of them are?"

"I know Barton's in a hospital bed and Romanova and Pietro's right next to him , Sams off with Cap , and Scott always comes right on time. Bruce will be getting out of the containment room soon and Thor's off in Asgard , living it up with Loki." Tony raised his hands in an 'I don't really care' motion , grinning smugly. "Feels nice to know that cold ass glare isn't meant for me , Frosty."

James recoiled in surprise , confusion painting his face. "It's .... it's never meant for you! You're the least problematic member of this team. I'm looking at you for answers!"

This time it was Tony's turn to be shocked. "I always thought you harboured some kind of well developed vendetta against me! You never talked or thanked me for the sandwiches."

"The sandwiches were from you?" James cocked his head at Tony in confusion, a small smile tracing his face. "Thanks , you didn't have to do that for me. But they're delicious."

"You were always grumbling about how hungry you were , just wanted to do something nice for one , Cyborg." Tony ran a hand through his curls , smiling at James again. "Since you're always looking out for us."

James scoffed , not unkindly. "That's kind of my job, Tony. What am I here for if it's not to look out for you idiots."

"And if I said I hired you because I thought you had a great ass?" James smiled , throwing a pencil at Tony with alarming accuracy. It hit him in the forehead , sharp point hitting him straight on. Tony yelped and rubbed the red spot , glaring lightly at James.

"And here I thought you liked me , White wolf." Tony grumbled , returning to leaning his chin in his hand.

"Oh," James started. "I do. Enough to want to injure you every time you compliment me."

"Is that what we're calling it now? Complimenting? And here I thought-"

Tony was cut off by the sound of the door opening , a heavily breathing Steve Rogers shadowing the threshold like a messenger of sorts.

James sat up , putting on his most disgustingly pleasant ( but impersonal ) smile and gesturing for him to take a seat. Steve nodded , taking the seat closest to Tony , a slightly flushed Sam Wilson and Scott Lang trawling after him. James winter for a moment before speaking up. "Where are Romanova , Maximoff and Barton? I understand Banner is still in the containment room. He should be up before the meeting is over. If not , I trust Tony will inform him of what I have said."

Steve wiped his brow before answering. "They're in the med bay , surely we can make an exception-"

"Nope. No exceptions, everyone has to be here for this meeting. Other than Dr. Banner though , because of his condition," James smiled even more pleasantly. "I suggest you shoot the, a text saying I expect them up here , whether they have to drag Barton or not."

5 minutes later , the door opened again, revealing a tired Pietro , a silently seething Natasha and a Bandaged Clint. He limped in on crutches , his leg bandaged up and stuck in a brace. "That wasn't so hard , was it?"

"Agent Barnes , this is completely unnecessary. Clint is clearly hurt , isn't it unfair of us to force him to attend this meeting?" Steve's face morphed into his 'Captain America is disappointed in you' face.

"No, I don't think it's unfair. Now , if he was in a coma , or couldn't move , or do anything at all. Or if he was severely hurt , I suppose I could make an exception , but he's just got his leg in a brace and has to walk in crutches , Agent Rogers," James tried for another pleasant smile. "But please , take a seat."

James waited for the rest of them to take a seat , face quickly morphing into the perfect show of disapproval.

"It has come to my attention , that I'm really just being paid to sit here and look pretty," James cast a glance at tony. "I dog think any of you really think that I take my job seriously.

"I'm not here to just be a pretty voice that you get to listen to everyday , and it would do you well to know that I run this shit show. None of you , with the exception of maybe two , are taking my orders seriously , preferring to do your own thing. Well its not going to run any longer."

James swept his eyes over the tables inhabitants , sliding a file to Tony and another , thicker , file to Steve. "Read it , remember it. Rules , terms , regulations , the whole shebang. Just because you are Avengers , doesn't mean you are exempt from the law. You've signed the accords and all the other necessary papers and now you're going to follow this. For the good of yourselves and others."

"Agent Barnes , this is all , really unnecessary," Romanova said , eyes cutting into James like she thought he was merely butter. "We are doing our jobs-"

"Well you're not doing then well enough. Believe it or not , our missions on HYDRA are not just about killing agents and destroying facilities. We need files and information and weapons and people to get clearance. Not all missions are just down and outs. Some require actual stealth. Something the team does not possess."

"I think we possess plenty of stealth , Barnes," Clint sneered , wincing slightly as he pulled on a cut.

"Well I think we don't," James levelled them all with a glare. "I am not inexperienced. I have been training since I was 8 years old , I know 24 different languages and can kill a man over 50 different ways with my bare hands. I can use over 1000 weapons and can fly and drive almost all kinds of vehicles. I once headed the team that broke into the pentagon in broad daylight. I am far from being a rookie. Don't treat me as if I am one."

James smiled almost pleasantly again , more vicious than soft. A reminder that the gun that could protect you could also be turned on you at any time , if only your opponent was skilled enough.

"Good," James fiddled with his watch strap , feeling the vents in his metal arm expand and release hot air. "I'm not entirely disappointed with all of you. Lang , I'm impressed. You do your job and you do it well. You stick to the script and do only as I tell you to. That's good. Have a cookie."

James slid the plate of cookies down the table to a bewildered Scott. He grabbed one hesitantly , mumbling a thanks around the chewy chocolate chip.

"Stark , I'm also impressed. You're the least problematic on this team , and even if you do go off script , I know I can trust you to do what is best at the time. Well done , you can have a cookie also."

Tony grinned , leaning over and taking two cookies and dipping them into his coffee like a child would.

"The rest if you do _not_ get cookies," James said. "As I've mentioned before , you don't follow my orders , you don't contribute to the community outside your role as an Avenger , you don't perform to your best standard and I'm certain that team relationships are in shambles right now."

"I don't think you have any right to say that. You don't even know us." Sam crossed his arms , frowning harder with every word James said.

"On the contrary , I do. Do you think I just took the job?" James let out a bitter laugh. "I have files on every single one of you. I could give them to you if you want. I'm called the best of the best for a reason."

Natasha looked at him blankly , and James could already tell she was updating everything she had ever noted down about him.

"I don't think you have any right to create ... biased files on us." It was the first time Pietro had spoke , voice gravelly with lack of sleep.

"Yet again , I do. Its my job to do that. And for your information , they're not biased. I list everything I learn about you , trivial or not. It's not like I'm going to we the information or anything so stop looking so affronted."

"Cyborg over here can actually do that. As per our NDA terms , he can note down anything he wants to about us , but he can't sell it or give it away. Its purely work related," Tony said , shrugging slightly. "I've read bits and pieces of it and it's frankly hilarious."

"So you knew he was doing all of this? Drawing up all these terms and conditions and rules and files and you didn't at least warn us that Agent Barnes was going to bring it up at one point?" Clint scowled , masking whatever pain he felt.

"Mr. Stark has only known about what I've let him know about. Its not my job to run everything by you , it's my job to make decisions that benefit the team on a whole. What I do and what I don't do isn't always going to affect you."

"It does actually," Steve bit out , voice lashing like a whip cracking in the air. "You 'manage' us , all out public appearances , HYDRA flushout missions , missions in general really. Every decision you make could directly affects us."

"Yeah , ‘could’. If I decide that the team needed an extra member that would affect you , but keeping files on you and not announcing every aspect of each meeting beforehand will not affect you as much," James frowned slightly , letting seconds tick by. "My unpredictability should not concern you so much."

James tapped his metal fingers in the table , the thumps sounding out a code that existed only in memory.

"So was this meeting held just for you to bitch at us?" Clint grumbled. It sounded like a bullet in James ear , loud and clear against the silence of the room.

(Sometimes James wondered what he would be like if he didn't have some kind of bastard serum in his veins.

Sometimes he wondered what it would be like if he _died_ in the train crash)

Tony perked up , straightening with a new found confidence. "He didn't hold this meeting to bitch at us. These are all viable concerns , and I know Agent Barnes has many more to bring up and truth be told , we do actually pay him to at least care about us and that means he actually has to talk about something."

"Yes , as Tony has said," James sneaked a glance over at the other man , watching as the brown eyed man cast him a small smirk. "I'm paid to at least harbour some feelings about your wellbeing. It's my job to keep you out of trouble and make sure your missions go as planned. So yeah , let me bitch about what I want to bitch about."

Steve looked slightly surprised that James had at least partly agreed with Clint. The tips if the blonds ears flushed pink , an action that often happened when he was loosing a handle on his emotions.

James cocked his head at him and mouthed a slow 'don't' when he realised the taller man was going to start talking again.

"Now that that is over , time to get onto the more important stuff," James paused , reaching for another file. "I've changed most aspects of our HYDRA flush out sessions.

"Lang is still on recon , Stark is still on breaking and entering , plus system wipes and anything tech related. Rogers is still our brute force and if banner can't keep his cool enough , he's on that job as well. Maximoff , I've got you on the demo job now. You're fast , you can get the bombs in and out in seconds and be on the jet before its even detonated. Romanova and Barton are still apprehending agents , but the way you do it is different now.

"I've had HYDRA uniforms ready for weeks now and multiple fake IDs. You'll be in and out , patch Tony into the mainframe , abduct anybody we need , and on your way out kill anyone who comes in your way. Tony will come in after and load information and weapons , 2 of each kind of weapon. Pietro will plant the bombs and the building will have to be cleared. Its just a general set up for the standard facilities , but I'm sure that we will have to adapt as we start moving up the ranks."

"Shouldn't Steve be more than just 'brute force' , he-," Sam flailed for a second. "He's the leader of the team-" James raised a hand , cutting Sam off.

“Steve is not the leader of the team. If anything , Stark is. To be leader of the team , you have to plan the missions , cover damages , account for expenses. Its not just about leading you into battle. Agent Rogers is brute force , why? He's too high profile to be stealthy , keep in mind HYDRA is a Nazi organisation. He's also a self-proclaimed technophobe so he'll be no help when it comes to extracting everything we need from their database.

"Sure , whatever. When you have an impromptu mission wherever and we don't have time to create at least a basic plan of attack , let him lead you into battle. But right now? It's not happening. If I can control every aspect of this operation , I will.”

James pushed his hair back , securing it tightly with a bobby pin. When he realised that the team had actually taken in what he had said and ( hopefully ) taken it into consideration, he softened , allowing that passive aggressive smile to enter his face once more. “Now , any questions?”

*

James was hell bent on leaving in time to get to Starbucks and have another cup of coffee , god knows he needed it.

Just as he thought the end was in sight , Steve grabbed his arm , pulling him back lightly in what was obviously a practiced motion. James wrenched his arm back , turning around to meet Rogers toe to toe , grey eyes glinting fiercely.

“Rogers, what is the meaning of this?” He schooled his face into his blankest expression , taking care to not let any of his agitation slip into his features.

“I wanted to talk,” Steve said , slight , simmering anger pacing his voice like snake poison. “Alone.”

James took a step back , putting distance between them , and straightened his tie again. “Then talk , I don’t have all afternoon.”

Steve recoiled slightly at the distrust edging into James’ tone , a well calculated move in his part, one he knew would be most effective.

Steve cleared his throat. “I don’t understand what your problem is , Agent Barnes , but I’m sure that taking it out on us is unfair and unnecessary.”

James wanted to laugh , but settled on a slight smile. “My problem , Agent Rogers , is that the team purposefully doesn’t follow my orders. What am I here for, if you don’t even want to listen to what I’m saying? Are you paying me to sit here and look pretty and smile for you every now and again? I really hope not because then we would have an actual problem.”

“I won’t listen to orders that don’t make sense-” Steve took a step forward , James took a step back. “- I don’t listen to orders that aren’t for the good of the team. You’re not out on the field risking your life , we are , and it would do you well to realise that , Agent Barnes.”

“On the contrary , _Agent_ _Rogers_ ,” James spat his name like it was a curse , or rather venom , because James was sure every word he would say would sting. “My orders are for the good of the team. If you can’t see that , then I guess you don’t have the teams best interests at heart.”

Steve’s face morphed into a look of utter disgust. He looked like he longed to punch the brunette, or throttle him into submission.

“But there there Steven , no need to look so sad. I’m simply saying it how I see it.” James patted his chest lightly , fixing his watch and smoothing his hair back behind his ear. “If in only you could see it how I saw it , then maybe it would all make sense. You are , after all , not as experienced in my line of work. Maybe you should ask Romanova for tips, hmm?”

Steve spluttered , taking a step forward , James took another step back. “What are you insinuating, Agent Barnes?”

James smiled wider , a twinkle of mirth shining in his eye. “All I’m saying , Agent Rogers , is that maybe you are too narrow minded. You see the team , and not the bigger picture. HYDRA knows someone is picking them off , bit by bit. They know it’s us. You asked in the meeting why I was just choosing standard facilities at random. Well, just look at the bigger picture , Rogers. If they realised there was a pattern to how we were attacking , then wouldn’t they know when to attack , when to shut us down? The bigger picture ,Rogers.”

“You are a civilian-“ James cut rivers off with a wave of his metal hand.

“Maybe I’m not, Rogers, there are many things you don’t know about me and many things you will never know. But farewell , I’ll let you sit with your thoughts.”

James turned away from a slightly dazed Steve , laughing slightly at the pure bewilderment painting the taller mans face like he was just a canvas for whatever James decided to turn onto him. In a way , he was , they all were.

He entered the elevator with a new found skip in his step - it had been so long , too long , since he had engaged in a heated stand off with someone much bigger than him - checking his watch with a smile.

There was just enough time to get Starbucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well , well , we’ll. I’m actually really enjoying writing this, updates will be sporadic , but I hope at least semi regular. Not as regular as every day , but I can promise I won’t go weeks without updating. Kudos and comment cause they really make my day.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My style is really changing a lot , we’ll not too muc, but a bit. I’m working in another winteriron fic , more likely a one shot that I hope will be up in 2019 or earlier. Anyway , and ther update

James sipped on his drink silently , relishing in the taste of sweet , sweet coffee and that slight undertone of vanilla goodness. Starbucks , he had discovered , however mainstream , was surely the place that god got his morning coffee. There was just something unexplainably magical about the place that James just seemed to wanted to figure out.

The autumn cold had melted into a sort of gentle breeze by Saturday, just cold enough that the chill would rattle your bones , but not cold enough to make you think that every appendage left on your body would fall off.

James shivered , waiting for Vasily to exit the car. Normally , he wouldn't have waited outside , but he had quickly realised the boy had needed some time to steel himself for the visit. James could relate , he was hoping that the autumn chill would shock some sense of clarity back into him.

( good news , it did. Bad news , everything was a bit _too_ clear now )

James pulled his scarf tighter around him , metal hands fiddling with the buttons on his coat. He had chosen to go without a suit , instead bundling into a thick , dark grey turtleneck and black trousers. He'd even tied his hair up into a flimsy attempt at a bun.

The car door opened and Vasily climbed out, more confident than he had been during the car ride.

"You ready?" James asked , peering at him curiously. "We're early , we could always delay a little."

Vasily shook his head , pouting adorably up at James. Chin jutted out in a show of resolve. "No , let's just go. I'm not gonna let him scare me."

James nodded , a smile playing at the edges if his lips. He took a long sip of his drink , licking away any whipped cream. "Hmm , OK. Just so you know , I won't be able to pick you up today. You're coming to the tower."

"Will I be able to meet your , your," Vasily frowned slightly. "I forgot the word."

"Coworkers? Associates? Boss?"

"Yes! Those." Vasily blinked innocently at James , a deliberate attempt at trying to manipulate him into doing what he wanted him to do.

"Hopefully , no. I'm just there to oversee the preparations for the gala going on today and doing some paperwork. I'm not attending this one , but I'm still working a little late so you might have to come with," James grinned slightly , bouncing a little. "Don't look so sad Darling. You may see some of my coworkers , it's just not a guarantee. I work with busy people with busy schedules who can't always make time for little ol' me."

"Yes they can," Vasily protested. "You said once that you managed them , that makes you their boss so they have to make time for you!"

James laughed , throwing head back before leaning down and attempting to tug Vasily's jumper back into place.

"But they hired me. They don't have to see me of they don't want to , but its in their best interests to. Like how you don't want to go to school all the time but it's in your best interests to."

"I didn't want to go to school because Miss. Hutchinson said we would have an assessment," Vasily whined , shoving James' hands away.

"Assessments are good , even of they're hard. I had an assessment every month when I was living with your Grandma Valeriya and grandpa Ruslan. Those ones were much harder though." James shoved down any memories coming to the front of his mind.

When he was living with the Kholodovs , things had been hard ( a lot had been hard actually ) but some things had been inexplicably easy. Like walking the dogs , and eating breakfast every morning and knowing when to ask questions and when to keep his mouth shut.

They'd taught him how to be kind , and how to be patient , but they'd also taught him where all the pressure points in a regular human body were and what bones you could break with minimum force applied.

(It had always been a practice that reminded James that the same hand that fed you could break you and teach you to break others)

James shook himself out of his thoughts again , putting on a slow smile for the sake of at least appearing at peace. He had learnt enough about this new Carlina to know she would descend on him like a priest I'm a church full if avid , unrepentant sinners.

James gripped Vasily's hand in his own , pulling the smaller boy into a steady walk up the trail to the park , winding up the sandy pathway to the big , cast iron gates.

In the distance , James spotted Carlina and Alexander , leaning against the gate and talking about something so obviously amusing.

 _God_ , she had been so beautiful once and no amount of dislike would rid him of that thought.

He'd first been attracted to her eyes; green like the moss on his old windowsill and lined with black lashes that he'd always found so , so pretty.

Her hair had always been long enough for him to wrap his hands in when he held her close to him , tight curls that held him close like his hands were a crown and she was a Queen.

She was soft , unlike everything else in his life at that time , all round curves and gentle lines , soft pillows of flesh just waiting to be marked. ( and he had , always made sure she remembered that he was waiting for her , and would _always_ be waiting for her until he decided , or she decided , that they'd had enough of waiting )

She wasn't all perfect , nothing ever was. But all her imperfections just made her more human because sometimes , James forgot that the statues he so often compared her to ( works of art , moments in time , stories of lives ) had chips and cracks and were worn in places just like she was.

Her ears were a little too big , and her eyebrows too thin and maybe he just longed to admit to her that she was just as much an angel as she was , just to make sure she remembered she was as much to blame for the end of their family as he was.

James steeled himself , taking another long sip of his coffee in an attempt to mask the slightly blank expression spreading across his face.

James passed Vasily his backpack , easily putting a halt to his monologue on how amazing tigers were and how much he wanted to own one. James chose not to comment on how hard it was to actually own a tiger , he wanted to let childhood innocence be childhood innocence.

"Remember not to go off on your own , hold you mother's hand when you can and never , no matter what they say , follow a stranger or take food from them. If you get lost , find an employee or text your mother and tell her where you are." James crouched down to his level , looking him dead in the eyes and applying all the fatherly tricks he had learned along the way to make sure Vasily obeyed. "Promise me you'll do as I say."

"I promise dad," Vasily repeated , grinning all the way , poking his tongue into the gap in his teeth. "I'll stay with mama and Alexander and I won't follow stranger and I'll only eat what mama gives me or what I buy because taking food from strange people is very , very bad. Even Miss. Hutchinson says so."

James cocked his head to the side before sighing and brushing his hair away and pinning it into place , cursing himself for not securing his pins correctly. How could he look like he was in control of the situation of he wasn't even in control of his hair?

"This isn't a joke , OK! This is a very busy zoo and you always like to run circles round me and Marion and Darwin whenever we go to the zoo. You can't do that with your mother!"Vasily groaned , swinging his head back and letting out a final , dramatic sigh. "Fine , ok? I understand , Dad. I'll be on my beeest behaviour!"

James set his mouth into a thin line , and nodding , fixing the green bow in Vasily's hair and brushing down his coat. "I hope you stand by those words because I'll be asking your mother and if I hear you weren't on your best- wait. Let me change that. Let's put it on a colour scale. Dark green is very best behaviour , light green is good behavior, yellow is acceptable , amber is edging on bad and red is bad behaviour. If I hear you slipped below a yellow , you'll be in trouble mister."

"What if I'm worse than bad?" Vasily blinked innocently at James , lips twitching into another smile. "Not that I'll be worse than yellow."

"If you're worse than bad , that's... purple behaviour! Behaviour so outrageously bad I'll be confused about how you even got into that situation. If you went and stole a penguin , that'd be purple behavior." James nodded solemnly , undoing his hair from his outrageously done bun and pulling it into a secure ( well , secure enough ) ponytail.

"Dad, are you nervous? About work?" Vasily frowned slightly. "This is the third time you've played with your hair since we got here and you almost never play with your hair like this."

"Its just ... messy? Yes? I can't deal with messy , and its getting everywhere." James patted down his hair , standing up and started to make his way to Carlina , brushing the dirt off his trousers. "You know that , you should know that."

Vasily pouted slightly , a flicker of something passing over his face. "There are a lot of things I don't know about you , Dad."

*

James set his papers down quietly , edging his pen across the table until it lay in front of him , heavy enough to be unmoved by the tapping of his metal fingers , but light enough that he could twirl it around in any fashion he desired to and throw it across the room and only be able to here the 'swoosh' as it cut through the air.

James had always been a cryptic person , more phantom than human and even after that , more energy than phantom. He existed in movement and stillness and the little pieces of life in between. If you took him apart vein by vein , underneath you would find pure , heaven born light.

His gaze shifted over to the areca palm in the corner of the room , swishing slightly from the natural flow of the air around him. It was nice , the quietness , in a way that only existed outside of memory.

James set down his own again , next to all the others he had convinced himself he'd needed , closing the file with a soft , metallic 'click'.

He moved onto the next , marking the date and time , his signature and POI. It was a habit ingrained into him from childhood , muscle memory that he'd carried with him from the first moment he had blood in his body.

He stared off with a few strong words before he got into the flow , recounting his altercation with Agent Rogers the day before , smiling slightly to himself as he wrote about whatever he had noticed. It was enthralling , recounting something exciting in a way that could appear generally mundane to many. 

Paperwork - or at least his paperwork - he had always been interesting to him in a way that other people just didn't get. Knowing he held the power between this or that and could manipulate what other people done without them even knowing was something he craved for. It was the rawest for of power that didn't involve murder.

James set his pen down when he was done , waiting patiently for the last words of ink to dry , then placed the paper in the file marked 'Steve G. Rogers' and the placed that file on a case , locking it with a swipe of his finger against a concealed pad.

He sat patiently , answering emails as he sipped another coffee. Most were from the team , barely treading the line between rude and aggravatingly probing.

Romanova had sent him an email filled with knife like double meanings and slow suggestions of backing down from the position.

Back down? James outright laughed.

They had asked him to work for them because of his skills , they had asked him to manage not only their missions , but help control their PR team. They had asked him to help them and keep helping them. The day the earth was set of fire and humans were merely horned beasts would be the day he willingly backed down from the job.

Wilson's email had been a little less insulting and more aggravatingly probing. He'd endlessly questioned James' methods and qualification. There were just so many personal questions that he hadn't felt the need to answer.

He'd belatedly realised he had just been typing the word 'dickhead' over and over again after Sam's question on how he'd lost his arm and why he'd decided to work as a manager when he could easily be a better spy than Romanova.

He'd deleted it all and replied with a very curt 'that is not concerning you' and went back about his business , a little more stoic than before.

In an attempt to lift his spirits , he'd gone through some pictures on his phone: him drinking wine with his friends , a little tipsy , him and Vasily in the park , Vasily dressed as Santa Claus for his Christmas performance last year , the last picture he'd taken of his mother.

( _God_ , she was beautiful. She had been a black widow and he'd been oh so tempted to throw it in Natasha's face , he supposed that casually referencing his past would clue her in on the fact that he'd been trained harder than her )

James hummed , checking his phone for any new texts then finally checking the time , so he knew when to go and talk with the leader if the PR team on team volunteering. It was important to keep up a good image of the team , especially after the accords fiasco. He'd worked with Tony and Pepper for weeks , trying to break down the accords in a way they understood , and adding few terms of his own.

James closed his macbook with a soft 'click' , sliding it into his bag and taking out a black spiral notebook so he could at least try and stick to his weekly task of writing a to-do list.

He'd barely gotten down the first few words when there was a knock on the door , followed by soft footsteps and the sound of a chair being pulled out.

James looked up , his grey eyes meeting Pietro's dull , blue ones , perpetually stained with purple bags after his sisters death at the hands of ultron. James hadn't been that sad after he'd found out she had willingly joined Hydra and was altering peoples minds and memories to get what she wanted. She was cruel , disgustingly cruel , and James was glad he had never had the chance to meet her. it didn’t mean that he didn’t feel sorry for Pietro though , because he did.he had loved and he had lost and he knew how hard it could be.

He set down his notebook and smiled pleasantly , knowing he looked more casual than he ever had. "Pietro , what can I do for you?"

Pietro shifted in his seat , fingers tapping a bit too fast. He paused , then shifted again. James raised his eyebrow slowly , the smile still on his face.

"I would like to apologise for Clint's remarks yesterday , they were rude and uncalled for."

James cocked his head slightly , before letting the smile drop. The apology wasn't all that sincere , it was more an apology for their convenience. It seemed that the team had realised that James controlled most of their moves.

"It's fine," he decided on. "I've heard worse."

James had certainly heard worse , but that didn't mean he wasn't at least conscious of what Clint had been whispering to Natasha when he thought James was too engrossed in his explanation to notice. He had noticed , and he hadn’t been happy. Most of the comments had been centred around his weird his arm was , and how big of an ego he had. James could deal with the ego jokes , but the jokes about his arm? Not funny , at all.

For a solid year , he only worse long sleeves and gloves because he’d been so self conscious of his arm. After he’d lost his arm in the train crash , his mother had pulled in a few favours to get him a new one. When she said favours , he’d been expecting a doctor or something , not a terrorist. Ivan Vanko has been on deaths door when they’d extracted him from the prison and forced him to create the blueprints for his arm and any future arms to come.

They’d taken his last apprentice out of his home and forced him to build the arm after they’d gotten rid of Mr. Vanko ( he’d read in a newspaper that a body had been found outside of the prison he’d been held in , completely skinned. James hadn’t even stared for too long , he knew how his mother liked to do things ) they’d fitted it to him while he was still pliant and willing. Put the socket straight into the stump that was his arm and pulled the new arm in right afterwards. It hadn’t even hurt.

The arm , of course , was more of a weapon than an arm. It had to match his newly acquired serum in all possible ways , and so it was stronger and faster than any other normal human arm. He could crush a mans skull in it and that terrified him.

His mother had known it would terrify him as well. Just whispered, “let this new strength free you,” in her thick , Russian accent and smiled her switchblade smile before leaving , black gown swishing behind her. Everyone in the household had to wear black , it was mourning season.

The arm was part of his body , a part of his body he didn’t necessarily want , but a part of his body nonetheless. Hearing it being called ‘freakish’ and ‘a reminder he was less human than most’ was so different from hearing Tony call him ‘cyborg’ or ‘mr, robot’. They’d said those words with intention to hurt and he felt weak admitting that deep down , it had hurt.

It had hurt in the same way it had hurt when he was told he wasn’t eligible for the program. It had hurt in the same way it had hurt when his mother made him tear the building down. It had hurt in the same way it had hurt when he had admitted to himself that his life was falling apart.

It hurt in the same way it hadn’t hurt when they put him to sleep because he was trying to punch every glass he came across and was getting it all over his body. (Some places were still scarred from where the glass cut real deep)

But he’d shaken the comments off during the meeting and ploughed on , not even rolling down his sleeves when he realised that everyone’s eyes was fixated on it. He’d been tempted to put his blazer back on or at least roll down his sleeves when he noticed he was opening and closing the vents and shifting the plates connected to the vents , but had instead just continued , making sure not to freak anyone out. It had taken a lot more effort than he had hoped , but by th end , he had stopped , and he could rush out again.

Of course , he had been intercepted by Steve.

James focused on Pietro again , taking in the dark circles under the boys eyes , and the slightly dishevelled look he wore permanently. He felt a wave of emotion overcome him. This was a child , sure a hydra child , but a child nonetheless. One that had lost everything to the hands of violence , one that had every reason to hate everything but chose not to. Pietro had no life outside of the Avengers( trust him , he would know if he did ) and that was so fucking sad. He had nothing to really do outside of fight.

“Hey,” He said , a frown entering his face. “How you holding up?”

Pietro crumbled slightly , everything about him seeming to droop. It was a reaction James had been ready for. “I miss her so much, and I know she was horrible , but god. I miss her.”

James didn’t have to ask to know how he was talking about. Wanda maximoff , one of hydra’s greatest soldiers and the Scarlett witch , an ally of ultron who had a large hand in his creation.

James shifted closer to him , dredging up old memories that he had thought he’d lost to the confines of his brain. “I know how you feel.”

“No you don’t!” The blond cried out , something flashing in his eyes. “No one understands.”

“Oh but I do,” James said , laughing dryly. “My adoptive mother , Valeriya, was a black widow. My father, Ruslan, was a former hydra agent. He was brought up in that world , and when he realised what he was doing was wrong , he grabbed my mother and fled under the guise he was training spies for the next generation. They were bad people , very bad people , but I loved them , probably more than my birth parents , they made me who I am today.

“They taught me everything , how to kill , torture , interrogate. They taught me how to be the best of the best. They gave me a name I could call my own , one that they only could call me. Yakov , Yasha. Made me feel like I was worth it. I lost my father when I was 15 in a train crash , lost my arm as well. My mother down some horrible things for me to get my arms , she was the person who skinned Ivan Vanko and dumped him outside his former prison. She committed suicide when I was 18 , almost 19. I always thought i should have hated them , after all , they molded me into a weapon, but the heart-“ he patted his chest lightly “-knows not of good and bad , only love and I loved them. After everything.”

Pietro started at him in shock , taking in every word he had said , something similar to shock passing over his face. “I know. Me? James Barnes , son of a hydra agent and a KGB black widow? More likely than you think.” James tried for a laugh , throwing his head back in a vicious imitation of nonchalance. “But go on , I can tell your raring to go.”

“But your fighting Hydra right now! How could you , after how you were raised,” Pietro but his lip harshly , eyebrows scrunched as he tried to solve the anomaly that was James Barnes.

James simply smiled wider , sincere this time , and crossed his legs in front of him. “I didn’t have to agree with everything they did and they were reformed anyway , raised me to know that hydra or KGB’s way to go about it wasn’t the good way. I love them even after everything, and it’s that same love that makes me want to see hydra burn.”

Pietro looked at him thoughtfully again , eyes shifting over his face quick fire. It wasn’t unnerving , James was used to it , it was more that it felt word to have someone look at him like this after he had braved the mist delicate parts of him Neanderthal hoped that they would spits tear him apart afterwards.

“Natasha would be furious , Clint as well,” Pietro uttered. “You can never tell them”

“That’s why I’m entrusting you to tell them. Not all of it of course, just that I have intimate ties to the black widow program and to Hydra. I feel slightly bad that I know everything about them and they know the barest minimum about me. It’s the least I can do anyway.” James was slightly apprehensive about sharing this information with two former SHEILD spies , but it wasn’t like there were any files on him that existed anyway. It was safe to share this information , and anyway , he was tired of always being cryptic.

It had been safer before , being cryptic. But this wasn’t before , not anymore. This wasn’t yesterday’s either , and there were many things he had to rethink.

He waved goodbye to Pietro as he left the room , seemingly more upright than before , and sat still for a minute , turning of his pen, taking off the bottom , revealing the sharp blade in it. He twirled it through his fingers again before smiling ( more vicious than he had ever smiled before, it was like blood was dripping from the confines of his mouth and he wanted more) and letting the pen fly through the air , embedding itself in the wall without so much as a sound except from the swish of it slicing through the air.

He stood up , gathering his stuff leaving the room , a slightly flush rising up his neck.

( _There are many things I don’t know about you)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter I’m going to be dabbling into Tony’s side of things , I’m not really experienced writing his POV so it will be good practice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok , Tony’s perspective was actually really hard , but I enjoyed it. I would like to write another chapter from his perspective , probably the next one seeing as though he’s emtering James house for the first time. There’s a brief mention of drug ( weed ) use and near the end there’s vague mentions of domestic abuse and sexual abuse. If that triggers you please be wary of that.

If Tony had learnt anything over the past year , was that the people he so desperately wanted were mostly unobtainable.

It had started with Pepper, he'd tried with her , but he really couldn't fault her for breaking up with him and getting together with Darcy lewis a few weeks later. Besides , they made a cute couple.

Next , it had been the barista at the Starbucks near the tower. He thought the guy was cute.But he was straight and thus it would never happen. Looking back on it , having the hots for a straight guy was one if the worst things that could ever happen to him. So why would he go and fall for a another male heterosexual person?

Falling for James Barnes had been something he'd never expected. Her been hired to manage the Avengers shortly after the accords incident and team caps exile to wakanda.

He'd been the one to navigate the accords with Pepper and him , sweet talking the UN into making it so they weren't trained attack dogs.

He was funny and straightforward at the best of times. Serious , stoic and controlling. It wasn't just about how pretty he was ( there was a huge number of things that came before 'being pretty' , Tony liked him for his mind , not his looks ) but that was a definite bonus.

The first time they'd ever talked , Tony was running on an hour of sleep in 2 days and multiple cups of coffee. He'd simply looked at him , smiled and handed over his salad. Ever since that moment , tony had fallen hard.

Pepper had thought it was absurd that he'd fallen for a guy because he had given him a salad , but the salad was pretty damn good. He'd been relieved to find out that James didn't automatically start hating him once Team cap came back.

The more they'd hung out and James slowly revealed himself to Tony , all the other man could do was fall harder and harder and harder. James was fucking smart, knew his way around science fairly well and was knowledgeable in a the fields he was in.

Finding out the guy had a kid was even hotter , Tony loved children and the fact that there was a mini James Barnes running around Manhattan excited him.

Too bad he was straight.

Tony sat down at his desk , setting down his plate of pasta and his cup of lemonade and waited patiently for Pepper.

They'd started eating lunch together at SI once a week , just after the accords fiasco. They'd drifted apart after they'd broken up , with pepper running around SI and Tony fixing up the accords.

It had been a good decision to try and mend their friendship after team cap fucked off to wakanda. Slowly , but surely , the tension between them melted away and they were almost as good friends as they were before their relationship. Tony was sure that one day they would be back to that place.

The door opened , revealing Pepper and her addition of salad. It wasn't as good as James' but it was still pretty damn good.

“Pepper," he started , putting down his starkpad. "Hi!"

Pepper smiled , smoothing down her hair , and took off her heels , flexing her toes in Tony's carpeted floor.

“Nice to see you Tony, almost thought you wouldn't show."

Tony regarded her with a fake-hurt expression , the lines of his mouth contorting into something akin to a frown.

“Oh , don't look so surprised. It's not a good look on you. And how could you be so shocked anyway. James is in the building and all you do is trail after him like a lost little puppy," Pepper rolled her eyes , digging into her pasta with a slow kind of ferocity and Tony just knew it meant she hadn't eaten anything more than the pastry shed had for breakfast.

It stirred some of that novelty 'I want to take care of you' feelings inside of him , ones he knew Pepper wouldn't appreciate as much as other people would. After all , Tony's desire to protect her and everyone else he held dear had driven them apart.

So yeah , Tony just kept his mouth shut and started to chew on his own pasta. "I don't follow him like a lost puppy," he insisted , though the protest sounded weak even to him." I'm just... I don't know. He's very smart and I want to take his brain apart methodically to see how it works."

Pepper ‘hmmed’, faking acceptance. "It's totally not about his arm right? Lovely hunk if metal."

Tony had to stop himself from swooning, though the blue lines on his wrists glowed threateningly. "Fuck, his arm , I don't wanna objectify him at all , but I want it. I want him!"

Tony caught himself just after he'd let out his 'deep buried secret #164', letting his fork clatter onto his plate.

Pepper smiled triumphantly , ignoring the fact that Tony's face was turning a startling shade of red and that his wrists ( and he was sure , his arms ) were blinding.

“That's wasn't so hard," Pepper said , taking a sip of her orange juice.

“I'm waiting for what I said to really sink in," Tony threw back , hiding his face with his hands. He was mortified , he was more than mortified. He was... he was-

The English language wasn't his forte , it didn't matter that he didn't have another word for mortified.

“Tony," Pepper started , a small smile on her face,"Tony , I'm talking to you."

“Oh?" Tony said , feigning shock. "I thought you were talking to the big bad behind me who is also called Tony."

Pepper rolled her eyes in a fond imitation of irritation. She reached over the table and clasped his hand in hers , turning it over and racing a small circle into it. "Tony, its normal tohave crushes."

Tony laughed out loud , throwing his head back and wrenching Hus hand away from her , fearful his body would just burst into flames and eradicate him in a fit of embarrassment.

“He's straight Pep," Tony said , seeing no reason to continue his façade. It wasn't like he was doing any good at masking his love for James Barnes anyway. JARVIS had shown him footage of the charity gala preparations at the maria stark foundation building and he had promptly died.

He had thought James was mind shatteringly beautiful when he wore suits , but when he wore a turtleneck? Beautiful wasn't even the right way to describe him.

He didn't have his hair down like he usually had , but somehow that little bun that he'd put in after entering was just as pretty , if not more.

Tony was sure the man would look good in a potato sack.

“You're a fool if you think James is straight," pepper admonished , mor shocked than she had been when tony had admitted that he had a long standing crush on the brunette.

“James's one of the gayest people I've ever met , not including you," she continued. "We go out for lunch semi regularly and one time Darcy tagged along and all he had to say was 'bisexuality is a gift from god'"

Tony stilled , his fork clattering from his hands , as he let out an -honest to god- squeak. Maybe he did had a chance!

He quickly shot that idea down , so quickly it gave him whiplash. James only thought of him as a friend , a close friend , or maybe just a coworker. He didn't want to indulge I'm Tony's lewd fantasies in which they worked together as boyfriend and boyfriend.

Those fantasies weren't exactly few and far between , but he had a wide variety of things to think about. Sometimes , he indulged himself in thinking about mini-James's with his grey eyes and hair and intelligence, with features of some unknown woman peppered into the mix.

If he was really feeling it that day , he would imagine James and his kid and another little child , younger maybe , that didn't look like him or Tony , but no one even doubted they were theirs.

It was a dangerous fantasy , but Tony was known for laughing I'm the face of danger.

“OK," Tony said , nodding slightly. "But - assuming he did have a crush on me - why would he even act on it? Plus , boss , employee relationship equals power imbalance."

Pepper smiled knowingly. "First of all , if anything , James is your boss, be manages the Avengers and all relevant appearances , the whole-" pepper waved her hand around "-thing? The whole situation. And second of all , I see the way that guy looks at you , he's interested in something."

“I don't want it to be a thing where he's only with me for my dick or my money , I want someone who actually likes me , Pep." Tony deflated , finishing up the last strands of his pasta and moving onto his salad.

Yet again , not as good as James' salad. It had all the relevant salad items: a leafy veg , other vegetables , more vegetables , a dressing. But it wasn't the same , James salad had grilled chicken in it , and cheese , and the tomatoes had been sundried and the salad dressing had a slight kick of chilli that just wrapped the whole thing together.

James salad had also been amazing because it had been given and he had expected nothing in return. It was to be his lunch or whatever , but he'd given it to Tony because he saw he was hungrier. James salad had tasted of pure selflessness , and that was what drew him to the grey eyed man in the first place.

Pepper resumed her motions of drawing circles in Tony's palm , lightly glossed fingernails occasionally digging into his palm.

“James is not the kind of person who does that," pepper admonished , though her voice was still painfully light. "He has money of his own , far more than we know of and plus , he's got s kid on his mind. He wouldn't want go bring someone to his kid and then just use them for sex."

Tony's brain went blank , well not really , it was just just going so fast while trying to formulate an acceptable response that doubled as an excuse not to act on his feelings that all he could see was white and occasional black blurs.

It made him feel dizzy , not the good kind either. The kind of dizzy you were after pulling a 24 hour binge because you couldn't figure out a maths problem that was keeping you up all night.

“And here we have it," Pepper teased," a speechless Tony Stark. One of nature's rare phenomenons."

“Pepper," Tony groaned , though a smile was playing at his lips. "It's just , a lot to take in. No one - except you - has really wanted me for me."

Pepper sighed sympathetically and Tony almost wished he hadn't shared that particular thought. He hated making Pepper sad , no matter how many times she had told him that it was really no bother for her to hear about his problems if he would do the same for her. It wasn't like they would fall in love , Pepper had Darcy and Tony had his -maybe not unrequited - crush on James. Tony loved her like a sister , and Pepper loved him like a brother. They just didn't think about fixing what they had before anymore.

Maybe in another universe it would have worked out , Tony was sure there was a universe that he was able to love Pepper the way she deserved , but in this universe, this didn't happen. Instead Pepper had fallen for a 30 or so year old spitfire who had a penchant for oversharing and regularly tasing gods. And instead , Tony had fallen for a person he could possible have one day.

He relaxed into his chair , slowly chewing on his piece of lettuce , watching as pepper smiled slowly and launched into a retelling of her date with Darcy the night before. Yes , this was how things were meant to be.

*

Tony did not anticipate meeting a flustered James Barnes on his way out of a meeting.

It seemed the man was desperately trying to calm down , but obviously failing , and Tony realised it was the first time he had ever seen James truly angry.

He opened the door slowly , nodding at James to announce his presence , before sitting down and waiting his chance t talk to the man.

He didn't have to wait long , as James cut off the phone with a stilted 'goodbye' slumping into his seat almost immediately.

“Is everything ok?" Tony asked , concern seeping into his voice. "Anything I can do?"

James sighed again , the sound clawing its way out of his stomach. "My son," he started. "He's not doing alright. His mother lost him , at the zoo. He's just been found near the tiger exhibit with an employee. He didn't even run away or anything , she lost him,and-" James let out a noise , one that was a mix between anger and raw fear, "-i talked to him for a while , said she had taken his phone that I gave him to contact me because she could handle it on her own. He said that Alexander took him to the bathroom and then just left afterwards. I'm just so mad."

Tony reached over and pulled the man into a hug. He had initially thought it would be awkward , but it was surprisingly warm , even if James was slightly avoiding touching him and mostly fiddling with his arm. He wasn't mad though , what he was going through seemed horrible and it wasn't fair on him for Tony to just unload another bout of information onto him , even if he really did want to find out whether his crush was requited or not.

“Look , I'm sorry Tony, you have all of your own problems to deal with and I'm just-"

“Whatever you're going to say is not true," Tony interrupted , a hardness darkening his eyes. Sure he had all his own problems , but none of them were more important. "You're not bothering me or whatever, I wanted to hear what you had to say , even if I didn't ask. This is your child that we're talking about and even if I don't have the picture perfect childhood-" thanks a lot Howard "-I know it's wrong to just loose a child , or purposely loose one. You're concerns and mini breakdowns are valid ok? You don't have to apologise for wanting to tell someone about your problems."

James looked away. "I was just ,I was doing so well. Everything in my life was falling into place. I was raising Vasily right , eating healthy , maintaining a healthy life style. It was all so peaceful. And now? I'm breaking down in the middle of a public conference room and seriously debating s whether I made a bad decision when I decided I was going to stay in America and nit just immediately move to Russia when Vasily was born."

Tony let out a short laugh. "That's What you were considering? It doesn’t seem like a bad life."

“Not if I was going to put my childhood teachings on him. I was lonely and too smart and my parents always had people flirting in and out of the house to teach me shit even if we lived in the middle of the fucking woods. I had a dog though , called Oskana. So at least Vasily would have gotten a dog out of the deal."

Tony let out another laugh , rubbing at his eyes with his wrist , steadily ignoring the fact that James' own laugh sounded so harmonious. It was like angels had ascended into this mortal plane and decided to start laughing. Tony wished he could have recorded that sound and made it the tune he played every morning on repeat.

Not that he would admit that to anyone , of course , the fact that he even had crushes at his age ( he was adamant about the fact that his physical age was how he would have been at 35 if he had lived healthily and all that fucked up shit hadn't happened to him. If he was a little taller then that wasn't his problem ) he was a grown person and had better things to do than pine over a person who may only be tolerating him.

“There were a lot of shortcomings in my childhood though," James continued," mostly murder and such. I wouldn't have bought Vasily up in those halls even if I was payed to. It wasn't always a nice life."

“Black widow parent, Hydra father. Got it," Tony said, nodding along. "I heard Clint raving about it earlier and I was going to ask you about it at some point , it only if you want me to? It's perfectly fine if you don't feel the need to share t all!"

James looked at him slightly wide eyed , before blinking slowly and smiling. "Thanks, I was going to tell the team anyway, just so there were no secrets between us. I don't want there to be anything between us that can affect the team at a later date and I suppose it would be quite problematic if I ran into an old acquaintance in the resistance again that HYDRA who called me Yakov Volkov and one of them recalled there being a dead hydra operative who’s last name was Volkov.”

“Understandable,” Tony replied , on slightly sarcastic. “I to would want to face up against a person so highly against the KGB that they’d kill you and another person with superhuman abilities who hates HYDRA and would gladly strap you to a chair and interrogate you , completely unarmed.”

“I’m not unarmed. Ever.” James slid out his pen and took of the ottoman revealing the sharp blade. “This is just a precaution. The arm in itself is a weapon. One that I’m not afraid to use.”

“Just make sure you don’t use it on just anyone,” Tony joked. He sobered a little when he realised James want inclined to laugh. “How are you doing though? Is she going to return your kid to you any time soon?”

“Oh , she has to! He’s coming straight to the tower , whether he likes it or not. After all that has happened? You’d have to drag me kicking and screaming away from him,” James smiled , though it was more cutting than mirthful , and it reminded Tony vaguely of switchblades.

“I could always,” he paused , steeling himself. “I could always take you both out afterwards , for dinner? Only if you want , you’re not obligated to join me out of pity , and if your kids not up for it you could let’s decline. It doesn’t even have to be a fancy place , it could be that sandwich shop near the underground , or that restaurants next to the bookshop that sells those delicious burgers. But you can always decline, I’m not forcing you or-“

“Hey Tony? Be quiet a sec so I can talk,” James smiled , peering up at tone from where his head was rested on his shoulder. “I would like to go and eat dinner with you , but only if Vasily would like to. I’m not going to make him come out an eat with us if he doesn’t want to. If that’s the case , then you can always eat with us. At our apartment. On,y if you would like , you’re not obligated to do anything.”

Tony sat stock still , his mind still racing. He felt woozy , like he’d taken a one too many puffs of weed , or was running out of breath quickly. It was a good type of woozy , one that Tony welcomed.

LYeah , I would like that.”

*

James’ ex was not what Tony expected. For some reason , he had expected someone more like pepper , not in personality - of course - but in looks.

From what James had described , he had lived a life that was close to aristocracy; big house in the forest , difficult but caring parents , lots of money and glamour. It had sort of shaped Carlina into a person with straight, black hair and a wide brimmed hat that shadowed her eyes. A skinny and lithe person who wore sleek , black drssses and killer hills with makeup that could cut a bitch.

Carlina was not that person.

There was no denying she was beautiful, but in a more down to earth way that Tony had not expected.

She wore a thick , multicoloured scarf and a mustard coloured coat over her grey shirt. The was soft , in a way , all big , moss eyes and button nose with too large ears. It fit her , and as Tony looked more , he could see why James had thought she was beautiful. He supposed , she could be nice when she wanted to. At the moment though , she was passionate and rebuked every single statement James had made with surprising avoidance , yet clever accuracy. Aiming well placed jabs at the other man.

James had carted Vasily ( god he was cute ) off to another room , urging Tony after him , and resumed his unscheduled blow out with Carlina. Introductions had been quick , and James had assured the small boy that tiny was someone to trust , and that he should ask him if he needed anything.

Tony sat there doing what he did best: talk. Mentally , he catalogued every feature Vasily and James shared. The slant of their eyes were the same , even if Vasily’s has that childlike softness to his , they had the same hair colour and their hair curled in the same way as well , they both had a a small mole on the curve of their jawline , they both had the same shape of ear. Tony could also see James’ grey eyes mixed in with all the sage green.

“I know you,” the boy said , lips curved into a childish grin. “You’re Tony Stark! Dad says you’re very smart.”

Tony blinked back , as little distractedly , before realising the boy had said something. “Has he actually? I tell all my friends that your Dad is smart.”

The child cocked his head at Tony in a way that reminded him so much of James. It was a cute head motion paired with the slow blink of those pretty eyes then ended off with the slow downturn of his lips.

“I know Dad is very smart. He always helps me with my math homework and can do it all without a calculator,” Vasily smiled proudly , showing off the gap in his front teeth. “He can even remember random facts on an instant , like the process it takes to build an engine that runs on clean energy , or how bad global warming could have been if the clean energy act hadn’t been implemented in 2003. I only know it was in 2005 because Dad told me.”

“Did your dad tell you I was the one that brought up the idea for the clean energy act? I created the Arc reactor , and the arc reactor 2.0 , most places standard source of energy. It shit down a lot of big corporations power plants and climate change has improved,” Tony leaned forward , resting his hand in his chin as he watched the expressions flit over the boys face. “But I bet you dad told you that as well. Did he also tell you that I done it all because I saw these pictures of tigers ,because tigers are my favourite big cats , and decided I wanted the earth to be healthy enough that my grandchildren could see tigers like I did.”

It was a little know fact that Tony Stark had pushed the clean energy act ( or CCA ) because of his love of animals. Really , he had wanted the earth to still be around for his grandchildren to make history in the same way that he did.

Vasily defeated a little , eyes drooping. “I saw the tigers today, but I’d didn’t really like it. Alexander left me at the toilets but this helpful woman called Esmeralda found me and took me back to the tiger exhibit , but I’d dint have my phone because mama took it , and I only had her number in my back pocket because my bag was still with her and I couldn’t call dad!”

Tony could see the tell-tale trembling of shoulders that indicated the young boy was about to launch into a cry. Comforting two Barnes’s in one day wasn’t too much of a feat to be honest.

He sidled over to Vasily , putting a tentative hand on his shoulder. “Look , Vasily. Sometimes people do things they don’t mean. I’m not saying you have to forgive Alexander for what he did , what he did was wrong and uncalled for and I’m sure that your Dad is making sure your mama grounds him for a long time. I don’t know you , or your family dynamic , but I know that your Dad is an amazing guy and wouldn’t leave you with someone who he thought would purposefully hurt you.”

“I know,” he said, dragging out the last syllable. “But he’s gonna be mad at me , for not knowing his number, or keeping my phone on me.”

“I know your Dad’s not going to be mad at you at all. You followed his instructions and got yourself to safety , and all he cares about is the fact that nothing happened to you and you were safe. He wants you to be safe and loved , no matter what you do.”

Tony thought back to his own childhood , to his mothers gentle hands and the tune of some classical piece being played by those same gentle hands. He thought about how she had held him on her lap when he had been young and told him stories all about her mother and father and family in Japan, as she told him about the heritage she so desperately tried to cling to.

It had been hard , with his father’s alcoholic tendencies and abusive behaviour , but she had stayed, and it broke Tony’s heart that she had stayed. He supposed , that perhaps she had one loved him and stayed with him out of obligation. He thought of the bruises on his mothers arms and thighs and the way she seemed to limp sometimes. He thought about how the letters home trickled to an end even though Tony could hear her crying in the living room with Ana every once in a while when Howard was out.

He thought of his mother , and how pretty she had looked even when she lay in a coffin.

He thought of his father and how he had spat in the old mans grave and watched as it became indistinguishable when it was mixed with all the rain and tears that he had tried so hard to stop.

He thought about his nice it would have been to have lived in a home that didn’t feel like broken mirror shards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok , this chapter uploading thing is actually going really well. It’s worked itself out in a way that I’m uploading a chapter a week out of convenice , more likely every five days. I promise that one day I’ll write a chapter that is just pure fluff or smut of whatever , but that’s for the future. This chapter was a bit angsts , but that’s just how it played out. Also , slight mention of Japanese! Tony. In this story he’s actually biracial; Japanese , Italian and classic American . I just can’t get it out of my head. I’ll update again when I have the chance , but until then just sit tight and rest easy.


	5. Chapter 5

If James was beautiful in the tower , then he was simply radiant in his own home. Tony was captivated by the other mans blinding beauty in the even , late evening lighting.

He'd shucked off his jacket in the doorway , sliding off his shoes as he went , leaving him in a loose black turtleneck and too tight trousers. Tony imagined himself peeling those trousers off of the man but quickly shoved the thought off to the side in fear that the whole situation would take a turn for the worse.

He let his socked feet glide across the clean floors , holding Vasily's hand as the boy led him around the house quickly , showing him all the 'important rooms'. The important rooms ended up being just the his bedroom , but Tony quickly lost himself to games that consisted of very skewed morals and methods of law enforcement with a side of magic. Tony hated magic , but he let it slide in favour of feeding a young boys imagination.

He sat on the dark blue carpet , taking the whiteboard handed to him and waited as Vasily charged around his room.  
After a minute or two , the boy sat down in front of him , legs crossed with a smile on his face and the velvet ribbon out of his hair , with his own whiteboard in front of him.

"I want you to tell me all about Dad's job," he said , eyes bright and grin widening in an almost comical fashion. "He only tells me what 'the public knows' and won't even let me meet his coworkers! It's annoying because I want to be like him when I grow up and how would I even know if he doesn't tell me what he does?"

Tony's heart tightened, his own feelings about having children coming to the forefront of his mind. He'd always wanted some , but had never found someone willing to stick found long enough for him to even rise his notions on child rearing , let alone utter the word 'baby' around them. He hadn't even been able to talk to Pepper about children when they were just best friends , let alone when he was having sex with her every other night. He shoved back steadily rising thoughts about his own mini-stark , toddling towards him with a ( thankfully , clean ) wrench in their mouth.

He blinked himself back into the complexities of real life , realising that the kid was still waiting for him to say something and that his excitement was just increasing with each passing minute. "Well," he started, "You're father was right when he told you he could only tell you public stuff. He takes his job very seriously and that means he follows the rules to the T, that is , unless he can find a loophole , and Cyborg over their is very of at finding loopholes in his own set of rules." Vasily's excitement flagged , only a little though. Trying to cover up for himself , Tony continued.

"But I'm not your father and that means that I don't have to follow his own set of rules. I'm not going to tell you about the dangerous stuff though , cause it's dangerous and you're still just a child , but I'm going to tell you about stuff that even your fathers employees don't get to give him the file about. It's all _very_ confidential so you can't tell anyone , not even the tiger over their." Tony nodded to the large , stuffed tiger in the corner of the room , putting in a faux stern expression.

"Her name is Talya , Dad got her for me when I was 2, he even named her!" Vasily trailed off slightly, realising that Tony was waiting for an answer. "I won't tell anyone , not even Mrs. Hutchinson."

Tony guessed that was his teacher , before carrying on , uncapping the lid on the whiteboard pen. "His job is to manage us and make us do our bit for the community , but normally he delegates-" Tony wrote down the definition of 'delegates' in his neatest handwriting , cutting off whatever the other boy was saying "- that to his employees. He spends much more time planning our secret missions, the one that involve evil masterminds and horrible people that probably like bounty.

"I'm sure we give him sh- I'm sure we give him a run for his morals," Tony corrected, "but your father seems to keep his cool all the time , never a hair out of place or a single thread missing from his clothes , really , Mr. Robot is quite the man. Never tells me off for kidding with him either , or interrupting a meeting with my irrelevant thoughts-"  
"I asked about dad's job ,Mr. Stark," Vasily interrupted , stunning Tony into silence. "Not a monologue on how dad has changed your life. I'm very sure he has , but I want to know about his job."

"Vasily , be polite." The voice rang from the doorway , and Tony whipped his head towards it , dizzy from the amount of force he used. If he had thought James was beautiful before , then now he was more than beautiful. He was poetry in motion , a love story waiting to be written ( Tony hoped he could be a main character ) and all because he'd decided to wear an apron and take off his turtleneck. It had reduced Tony to a blithering 12 year old and the fact that James could do that without even touching him was enough to turn his stomach into tight knots.

"It's fine," Tony said , coughing slightly. "I was getting sidetracked."

James regarded them both with sharp eyes , before nodding approvingly. "He could have gone about it more politely."

"Sorry Mr. Stark," Vasily said , looking properly chastised. "I should have been more polite."  
James nodded again before letting another , softer , look grace his face , a small smile taking over his lips. "Good. Where having Zharkoye , sour cream or no sour cream in your bowl."

"Sour cream please," Vasily replied instantly , then looked over at Tony, waiting for his answer.

  
James rolled his eyes , quickly realising that Tony didn't know what the hell Zharkoye was. "It's a stew made from beef , parsley , potatoes , carrots , celery , a little garlic, and dill. It's tradition to have sour cream served on it but some people don't like sour cream. Would you like or no?"

Tony thought back to the last time he had sour cream , then shuddered. James laughed," I take it it's a no?"

Tony nodded quickly before stilling. "Sorry , not a fan."

James turned away , looking over his shoulder as he sent Tony a small smile. "I get it , not really a fan myself," he paused for a second before speaking again. "Make sure you both wash your hands , Vasily will show you where the bathroom is."

James left , leaving the door open so Tony. Hold hear the faint sounds of music coming from the kitchen. Tony waited until he was sure that he could breath easy , before continuing.

"Your father's essentially a glorified baby sitter , but we couldn't be luckier to have him..."

*

Tony sat at the table with a small smile on his face , sipping on a glass of lemonade as he waited for James to bring the plates to the table. He had offered to help , out of the goodness of his own heart and not because he wanted suitable material for his domestic fantasies late , but the man had declined , leaving Tony and Vasily at the table.

"I think dad has feelings for you," the little boy said.

Tony almost spat out his drink.

Vasily rolled his eyes ( Tony was 200% sure that the sass was genetic ) before repeating what he had said. "Anyone would be able to see it," he added. "I can see it and I'm 7 , but I'm going to be 8 in a few months. And it's really obvious anyways. Dad looks a little pinker than usual , he's twisting his watch way more than he normally does and he's making Zharkoye, бабушка Lerusya's recipe. He only uses that with someone he really likes!"

Tony certainly didn't know all of James quirks and habits so he had to take the kids word for it. He could feel himself blushing slightly , warming up in a way that meant that the glowing was soon to follow. "You're the second person that's told me that today , kid, but relationships aren't that simple. I can't just tell him I have a raging crush."

"Oh , so you do have a crush on him." Vasily grinned, taking a sip of his lemonade. "I thought you didn't and that's why you were blushing like that. Oh well."

Tony spluttered again , choking on his drink s the young boy regarded him with keen eyes. "I think you should tell him," he continued, "dad said it's bad to keep big secrets to yourself."

"It's not a secret if someone else knows," Tony said , slightly smug before he remembered he was arguing with a 7 year old. "And anyway , some things are not to be acted on, like this. Especially this?"

"But dad is lonely," Vasily whined, "he hasn't been on a date in years and he only talks to the same couple of people outside of work. Well , people I know. And anyway , if he finds a boyfriend then maybe someone can protect him for once."

"I would like to protect him," Tony said , warming to the idea a little. "He can protect himself , but I would want to protect him as well. It's only fair, since he basically keeps me alive."

"It is fair , dad says sometimes you have to make compromises to be fair," Vasily said , kicking his feet. "You have to be willing to make compromises, like when I cook with dad I have to help him clean. Compromise."

"It is a compromise," Tony said. "I had to clean up after my mother whenever I helped her with cooking , we had to do it extra fast though because-" Tony cut himself off , faintly aware that the rest of that sentence wasn't something her wanted anyone to hear ever. "The point is , I'm willing to make compromises for people I really like."

"It's not just about compromising," Vasily added. "You've got to take care of dad as well. Even if he's one of the best people ever , sometimes he forgets stuff and drinks way too much coffee! He never forgets бабушки birthday , or дедушки , but he's always sad on that day so sometimes I wish he would forget."

"Loss is a tricky thing," Tony said slowly. "I lost my mother and my - my butler , and I loved them both. Your father probably wants to keep the memories alive , but sometimes it's hard. Death is always hard to stomach."

James stepped through into the dining room , a slight tightened around his eyes but a smile on his face. He was holding a large pot in front of him , black apron still on and hair still hastily tied up.

Tony wondered whether he'd been listening , whether he'd heard them talking. He was oddly ok with it , in a way that probably stemmed from the fact that he was too scared to talk to James about it face to face and instead had confided in his son in the next room over. He refused to let himself be embarrassed over it , lest he dissolve into a pool of blue , glowing mess , and slide off his seat. Besides , he wanted to be able to make casual dinner talk before he promptly died.

James was steadily avoiding his gaze anyway , leaving no question as to whether he had heard or not. Tony spooned his Zharkoye into his mouth , relishing in the taste of what James probably thought of as home. He felt closer to the man , even if he had chosen a seat all the way over at the other side of the table.

*

"I feel like we need to talk," Tony said , nursing a glass of coffee as he sat on the couch with James. Vasily had fallen asleep halfway through 'Mulan', leaving Tony and James in the sitting room as the end credits rolled in. "No , I know we need to talk."

James seemed to weigh the pros and cons in his head , rolling the thought around in that pretty brain of his. He was a sight , still , even if he looked slightly worn out. He'd put in a pair of well worn ducky slippers and swapped out his trousers for a pair of lived in sweatpants and a black , silk robe. Tony felt his heart squeeze , the tightening motion only lessening when he realised James had been checking him out when he'd popped the first two buttons of his shirt.

"It's been awkward , this afternoon," Tony started. "And I think you know some stuff I didn't don't want you to know for a while."

"I wasn't eavesdropping on purpose," James said quickly, "it's just , after the crash , my mother had me injected with some kind of version of the serum , one of KGB's. It enhanced all of my senses and I could hear you just under the music. I'm sorry."

He took a deep breath , holding it for a few seconds , the released it. He was oddly nervous , Tony realised , his eyes shifting around the room in an almost frenzied way. At first , he'd been happy that he had that kind of effect on the normally put together man , but then the realisation that underneath , James was probably scared of what he was about to say. Still , the feeling of pure happiness that James had decided to even let him see what he was feeling lingered under the surface of his skin , fuelling his every movement.

"It's ok," he started. "I would have talked to you about it anyway. Hopefully. I'm not good at this stuff Barnes and I have an inkling you aren't as well. But really , I meant to tell you about my giant , secret - well , apparently not - festering crush on you-"

"If you're just going to lead me on , forget it," James interrupted , his eyes suddenly fixing on Tony in what could only be described as badly concealed rage. "Sure , I may have a crush on you , but that doesn't mean you get to lead me on for a little while so you can have your wicked way with me and dump me somewhere cause you think I won't object."

Tony was rendered speechless for the third time that day. He sat up straight , turning towards James with a small down on his face. "I meant it though , I have a hint , festering , not-so-secret crush on you! Didn't you hear all that anyways? I thought you were not-quite eavesdropping?"

"Ok , let me break it down. I heard you and Vasya talking about my crush on you and how it was quite obvious , then I heard him telling you about how to take care of me - I assume it's because you told him I take care of all of you - then we skip to my- my parents funerals and how he wishes I could forget? Got it , I really don't understand where we went wrong!" James cocked his head at Tony , listing it all off on his fingers as he went , a carefully blank look on his face.

Tony almost recoiled but stopped when he realised it could be taken the wrong way. James was talking to him like he talked to Rogers when he made a particularly ridiculous claim , of when Romanova decided to speak to him like he was a rookie and he had to carefully explain it all again. He was looking at Tony like he was just a blip in the radar, a creasing in his white shirts that could be ironed out of existence. He was looking at Tony like he didn't matter.

Tony wasn't used to be looked at like that from James of all people. They'd been hesitant friends after the accords and at one point , James had even started turning up see him outside of work. Whenever the man had turned those grey eyes on him they were filled with warmth , not this cold , blank look.

"We were talking about my big obvious crush on you!" Tony said , throwing his hands up in the air. "We were talking about how I had to take care of you and make compromises if I wanted to make out whatever work! I'm not leading you on , contrary to popular opinion , I'm not that much of a dick!"

James moved back slightly , slight shock mixed into his face. It was a new look , one that Tony almost wished he could see more often. Not many people had shocked James into silence , more than Tony at least , not this shocked , disgusted silence that James was committing himself to.

Tony sighed , then relaxed , shuffling forward and placing his hand in James' in what he thought to be a grounding move. "I like you , and apparently you like me back, I wanna care for you even though I can't even care for myself. It's fine if you decline , but it's worth a shot. After all , I've been told that secrets shouldn't be shouldered by oneself."

James chuckled , turning his hand palm up and gripping Tony's , metal curling into flesh. "That's unbelievably corny , here I thought you had class."

"Oh , I do," Tony said , a little softer than before, "but I'm sure you know by now that I'm pretty unpredictable."

James leaned backwards and lay his head on Tony's shoulder , turning his eyes towards the next movie coming on. It was domestic in a way Tony had never imagined , not that he had the greatest examples of a picture perfect family home. For the longest time he had thought it was normal for father's to shout and break and rage like his had. He had thought it was normal for mother's to cry and waste away and comply like his had. He wanted to scream and shout and rage when he'd found out it wasn't true because what deity hated him enough to punish the only people he had ever loved?

What kind of deity thought it was appropriate to punish a child for the father sins?

He turned his eyes onto James , pushing away the thoughts that seemed to spring into existence way more frequently than before. "Well," he started, rubbing his thumb into the expanse of metal that made up the back of James' hand. "What's going to happen now?"

James paused , his thumb digging into Tony's hand hard enough to cause a faint ache, he smoothed out the pain quickly enough, probably realising that Tony was made out of flesh and bones and even with extremis, would snap under his fingers.

"Let's give it a try," Tony responded , the words clawing their way out of his throat before he could even hesitate. "I would like to give it a try.

"I'm not going to promise I will be perfect , or I that I'll remember all the dates or important stuff , but I can promise that I'll try. I want to make it work and I think you're worth giving up some things for. I want you for you and at the end of the day , that's who I want , not anyone else. James," he faltered , emotion lodging in his throat. "James , I think you have potential-"

"This is sounding a lot like a job interview now and not an emotional monologue."

"I think you have potential to be someone I can learn to love one day." Tony looked away , biting his lip as a slightly red flush rose up his neck , turning the glow of the blue where it wasn't as concentrated a slight purple.

"I wan to make this work with you, Tony, even if my track record indicates I'm not meant to be 10 feet near a romantic ship." James tried for a laugh , turning it into a faint cough. "Im difficult and I focus too much on my job and my kid to sometimes pay you any mind. Big factor , that is , my kid and my job. I'm not going to abandon my duties just because you want to do some shit or bone me in the backseat of your car. You should let go of my hand now if that's what you want from me.

"For all my difficulties and flaws , I do care for you Tony and I want to continue caring for you even if in the future it turns out you don't care for me. I'm not the kind of person to just play around with other people , monogamy is a must for me , or play around with you. That being said , I'm not perfect , and never will be, you've just got to put up with all my quirks and flaws."

Tony nodded , sensing the sincerity in James voice. "That being said , can I kiss you?" A smile played at the edge of his mouth , inching into his voice with each passing word.

James pretended to consider it for a moment , pursing his lips like this was all some pretty problem waiting to be solved. He let the expression slide of his face , laughing at Tony's apparent misery. "Come on , I thought you would never ask."

Tony wasted no time leaning in , his free hand curling around James' waist as he met him in the middle. He paused , feeling the other mans hot puffs of breath slide over his chin , raising the small hairs on the back of his neck. It was almost painfully hot in the room , but Tony suspected that was more to do with himself than anything else. The combined sensations of James' tender thumb movements , the little space between them and the rising want in Tony's stomach left him breathless , rendered pliant to James again.

It always scared him , how pliant he became under James' careful gaze. It was like the man could flick a switch in his brain and all Tony would be able to think about was what he would do next. It was a terrible , terrible habit that he could not shake and for the most part , didn't want to shake.

James pressed his flesh hand to his shoulder , dragging him close enough that even in the dimness of the room , Tony could see every fleck of silver and stormy blue in his eyes, close enough that he could pick out every slight imperfection on his face and commit it to memory. Tony shuddered , pressing closer until they were chest to chest.

He pressed his lips against James tentatively , letting the sparks and shocks and rolls drag him into the ravine tat was desire. James' lips were soft , unbelievably soft , and Tony felt like he was lost to the motions of the tide.

James kissed like he was fighting , and god was Tony longing to taste him again. He was tired of kisses fuelled on lust and list alone. James was a breath of fresh air and Tony was drowning.

They parted slightly to take a quick breath before diving right back in , more passionate , more feverish than before. Tony pushed James back until he lay on the sofa , spread out under his fingers. He held him down , nipping and biting and sucking in all the ways he knew would get his blood boiling. If James kissed like this was a fight then Tony kissed like he wanted to win.

They parted again , panting heavier than before. Tony laid his head in the crook of James' neck , faintly aware that the electric blue glow wasn't coming from the TV.  
"Fuck," he whispered , the sound lost in James' hair. "I don't ever want to let you go."  
James moved his flesh hand from Tony's shoulder , tangling his deft fingers in the other mans hair , tugging slightly before he decided he was content just running his hand through the chocolate mass.

"You won't have to , unless you want to," James breathed into his ear , the sound tickling the sensitive skin. Tony had always mocked the people who talked of how the afterburn was just as sweet as anything else. He had no reason to believe them , so why should he have? Now , he realised what they meant.

James was beautiful when he was disheveled. Lips red from biting them and pale face just slightly flushed from pleasure. His hair lay around his face like a curtain , the hairband tugged from it thrown somewhere across the room. He looked like a demon more than an angel , a demon coke to read Tony's sins and then some. A demon who might add to the list of sins with him.  
Tony couldn't wait to lay in bed and imagine this all over again.

"Believe me , they'd have to drag me away kicking and screaming." Tony chuckled into his neck , burying his face into it. James was soft in more than one place and his hair seeds as an amazing pillow.

"Believe me," James offered,"they'd have to fight me first to try."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phwoo another chapter in Tony's POV , a little shorter than normal but I'll make up for it. I've been playing around with the idea of 5+1 soon , probably for new years now that I've scrapped the one shot , and I should have a lot of extra time writing it since I'm going on holiday soon for a couple of weeks. Anyway , comment because I love seeing them and kudos cause they make my day.
> 
> On another note , the Russian in the chapter is just grandma and grandpa , I've been using Google translate because Russian is a language I've not gotten around to leading yet , so if I am wrong then please tell me and I'll just edit it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah woah woah! Is it me? Yeah I’m back. I went on holiday for a little while for my cousin wedding so I didn’t update this particular book but if you’ve seen it, you know I’m working on this series about James and Tony. I might update that soon, but if not then just know I’m working on either this book or something new or just taking a little time for myself again. ( or watching daredevil. Maybe watching daredevil. I’m writing this while I watch daredevil so...)

"I really don't see why you can't take him for that one day , it's not even that hard," James said, resisting the urge to smash his head into a tree, instead keeping his eyes transfixed on Vasily.

"I can't take him if I'm attending the same function, James. Take a day off or something, some time for yourself." Carlina raised an eyebrow , shifting on the bench as she adjusted her fuzzy sweater. "You're a dad-"

"And you're a mother," he interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Can't you be arsed to take a little time off to spend some time with your kid."

"I've had this planned for a long time," she started , eyes hardening into something lethal. "I'll be damned if you take it away from me. You have fall back plans , you always do , I don't, ok? This is a big opportunity for me."

James paused, thinking it over in his head before he said something he didn't want to.

"It's a big opportunity for Alexander as well, see a bit of the tower and see if he wants to follow in the footsteps of his dad. I'm not letting you take that away from him."

James' eyes softened , familiar with the emotions that came with disappointing a child. "I planned the event, Carlina, I have to turn up. You know what, fine. I'll take Vasily with me, get him a suit and everything, make a few modifications so there's some child suitable stuff at the tower."

Carlina nodded firmly , he green eyes blazing. James missed that expression , missed when they would sit on their old couch and share lasagne as they talked about their days, missed the feelings that came with her.

He missed the nostalgia that came with Carlina, her righteous fury, the way she seemed to take up the room and then some, her feistiness and unwillingness to back down from the fight. He had loved her for it at one point, he was sure there was a part of him that still loved her for it, that still loved her gentle curves and her soft lips.

But he wanted to love other people now. He wanted Tony's sharp edges and the gentle hum of extremis in his body, he wanted Tony's whiskey eyes and not Carlina's green ones, he wanted his hands and his lips and his bronze skin. He had had enough of loving women for the time being (secretly, he wished he would never have to love a women in that way for the rest of his life) he wanted to love the men now.

"That's good, that's good."

They sat in silence for a while, awkward but not really. It was comforting knowing they both knee where they stood and could abide by where they stood. It was awkward knowing they had shared things -deep, intimate things- with each other. Things that were as sharp as a knives edge and just as deadly.

James cleared his throat. "You know, I'm back on the dating scene now. Went on a few dates and such."

Carlina hummed , her interest renewed. "Really? A he or a she?"

"A he," James answered, the tension melting away. "A- I know him from work. He's nice, a mechanic."

"Never imagined you to indulge in a person like that, always thought you were more of a lawyer kind of guy; corporate assassin." Carlina smiled all the same, the corners of her eyes not quite crinkling, but enough to be genuine. "You are always so uptight and snobbish."

"Not really," James defended, "I was just raised a certain way and taught to expect certain things. I don't mean to come off as snobbish, its just what I like."

"You like coffee that comes from the backside of an animal," she deadpanned, a little less malicious than James thought it would be.

"Its got a chocolate undertone," he retorted, a snort escaping his mouth. "Its really good as well, and I only get it from the non-cruelty places."

"See? Stuck up."

The conversation traversed into awkwardness again, both of them watching Vasily pick up a large leaf and display it to his new friends.

The sight drew them closer almost, and James found himself placing his palm in the space between them. He didn't know what he was expecting, but it still shocked him when she took it and squeezed it before letting go.

"Do you ever think we could have worked out?" She asked, her voice wavering in the slightest. "Do you ever think this could have been different, that we could have raised Vasily in one household with the two of us, married perhaps?"

"The sad thing is, at one point I would have said yes." James bit out a wry laugh. "I would have described our love for one another and show people photos and married you in a church and had more children with you.

"But now? I haven't been able to say that for a long time. So yeah, at one point we could have, but one point can't fix a whole myriad of fuck ups."

"We weren't right for each other," she uttered, the words sounding like a revelation even to her. "We were never right for each other. Too toxic. Everyone told us so."

James nodded. "I know. But it all turned out OK in the end. We have the most beautiful son we could ever ask for, you have your family, I have my job. It's all alright, isn't it?"

Carlina nodded, dark curls falling over her face.

James shifted his eyes away from her, taking the time to admire the sky, to let the biting cold seep into his skin and render him a statue carved in the throes of ordinary.

He felt at peace, really. The talking had helped, helped him come to terms with a lot. Him and Carlina just hadn't been right for each other. Tony was right for him, not her, not anyone else. Tony.

And around him the world fell to pieces.

-

The sight if Steve Rogers barrelling towards him as he tried for the hundredth time to fix Vasily's tie was strange, to say the least, but not unexpected. James, for the most part, thought the man's chivalry would overpower his prejudices and he would come running to him at any chance.

"Go," he whispered to Vasily, still squirming. "Tony is in the fourth room on the left, JARVIS will guide you, do not go anywhere else."

Vasily nodded, happy to be free of his fathers grip, taking off down the corridor with barely concealed glee. Lately, he had preferred it when Tony had tried to fix his clothes, always staying still and patient and quiet. James would have been jealous if it wasn't so darn cute.

He stood, straightening his bow tie and shirt. "Mr. Rogers," he said, after all, he was never impolite with no given reason and Steve hadn't wronged him just yet.

"James," he said in lieu of a greeting. "Was that your son? He's cute."

James raised a brow but nodded nonetheless. "Yes, he's 8 years old."

"And you're a single father?" Steve asked, his usual need to fill the silence was irritating at most, inconvenient at the least. Now, he was edging into annoying territory.

"What is it, Rogers? I'm sure you didn't come here to discuss my son or my family for that matter. So please just hurry, I've got places to be and people to meet and I'm sure those people won't meet themselves." James watched Steve stiffen, his eyes roaming over the other man. For once, he looker good.

Contrary to what people thought, not everyone liked the look of Steve Rogers. James had always thought him a little too solid, too buff and shiny like he lacked something. Besides, he had always preferred brunettes.

But, James had to admit that he cut a fine figure in the right suit, and that when he shaved the stubble off his jaw he younger and more approachable.

"I came to apologise," he started, voice quivering slightly under James vitriolic glare. "For what happened. I shouldn't have squared up to you like that, not when you made your opinions clear in the meeting."

"You're right, you shouldn't have," James conceded, watching as the tick in Steve's jaw only quickened. "It was rude and invasive and there is really nothing redeeming about the talk we had."

Steve bristled at that. "You can't dish the blame on me-"

"I can, and I have." James sighed, resisting the urge to run his hands through his perfectly styled hair. "Look, Rogers, I get it. You're a man out of time, this is unfamiliar even after years, but things don't work the way they used to. People are stronger, there will always be someone stronger, and you have to get used to that."

"I never-"

"I can tell you're having trouble, as your accords provided consultant and assistant, I should help you, no matter how many differences we have."

"You were Hydra, and I don't understand why the accords gave you to us." Steve took a step forward, James took a step back.

"My father, adoptive father, was born into the remnants of hydra. My mother the KBG. They escaped, but muscle memory cannot be lost," James defended. "They believed in the cleansing of our race, but not- not the way the Nazis did."

"It is all the same." Steve took another step forward, looking up to the door.

"I didn't talk with you just to argue," James said, sighing slightly, "but really? It's not the same, you may not see that but I known it was not the same. Just like how you working for shield was not the same, my parents being former hydra knives is not the same as sharing their beliefs. Now, if you would excuse me."

James turned to walk away but Steve, it seemed, wasn't done.

He took his shoulder lightly. "On the battlefield," he started, "hydra knife, hydra escapee, hydra whatever, they were all Nazis and I was trained to kill Nazis."

James smiled sadly, shaking himself free of Rogers' tight grip. "This is not a battlefield and we are not at war."

-

The gala was going well. Too well, really. There were no evil overlords, or Hydra invasions, or anything of the sort. It worried him really, and he found himself clinging to Vasily just a little tighter than usual, but played it off as him just holding onto the boy so he didn't get lost.

Contrary to what most people thought, James had feelings and emotions and he actually felt them like a human being. His carefully blank expressions was the product of decades of suppressing what he was feeling so he could put on a calm front. Usually, he had his own little freak out in his brain. The only outward sign of his rush of emotion was the frequent twitching. It started with his left eye, then the corner of his lip, then his eyebrow, until they were all moving simultaneously, waiting for his freakout to stop. It wasn't nice, and it almost made him wish he didn't feel so much, but alas he was human and humans had to feel, no matter what.

He accepted the flute of champagne from one of the servers with a gracious smile, resisting the urge to knock the flute back. He had to think of his mothers lessons on repeat, running through all of the etiquette ones on fast forward, thoroughly scared ito behaving himself. Even dead, his parents still scared him into submission, like a wounded animal that never knew when to back down.

Pepper Potts caught his eye, sending a little wave his way. James had to admit, as much as he liked Tony, Pepper Potts was beautiful. She was beautiful in a scary way though, like an angel of vengeance or your mother when your younger. (for James, his mother had always been scary, no matter how old he was)

He gripped Vasily's shoulder a little tighter, a warning to behave. It wasn't like the boy needed the warning, anyway, James had told him the consequences of misbehaving while at the gala. While he wanted to be nothing like his parents, didn't want to punish his son like his parents had punished him (could it even be called punishment if it was more akin to torture) he had to be stern. He didn't want his son to have conflicting feelings about him later on in life, or feel permanently fucked up because of the things he did. He wanted them to have a healthy family dynamics, one that didn't echo with bruises and cuts and late night talks about responsibility.

He almost didn't hear Tony coming up to him, to lost in his thoughts to realise the man was only a few steps behind him. He sent him a quick, genuine smile anyway, schooling his face back into his polite mockery of openness the moment he turned away.

James had kept the expression on the whole evening, even as he got into a slightly heated discussions with coworkers and people who had too much money to know what to do with it. There had been that one incident (if you could even call it that) with miss. Felicia Lordsly that had ended with James walking away looking slightly smug (read: very smug) after shocking the normally loud mouthed woman and her husband into silence. It wasn't like cutting ties with them would affect him in any way. 

(sometimes he was glad his parents weren't alive to see the man he became)

"You look angsty," Tony said, sidling up a bit too close to him for them to appear as friends and nothing else.

"I look polite."

"You look like someone just kicked your dog but because of the social hierarchy you can't do anything."

"OK fair," James answered, slightly bemused at the fact that Tony could read him so well, even with the mask. "You're not exactly wrong either. I'm just thinking about Rogers, my parents, hydra."

Tony hummed. "Word goes around fast in the tower, everyone with clearance to the avengers floors know that you have a less than favourable past with hydra."

"I don't agree with it of course," James started before pausing, thinking over his words. "But I was raised on it. It was what I saw. It was what my parents saw and what my grandparents saw and yes, I'm breaking the chain, but the chain wasn't all that strong to begin with."

Tony hummed, nodding along as he downed the rest of his fake champagne. "I know, do you think we would let you on this team, let you anywhere near us, without knowledge of your past and your views on hydra."

"I know, I got a debrief on it before I joined," James said, "but my past with hydra, the KGB, it's... lot. I was raised in that environment and a lot of their views grew on me in weird ways. Like the purifying of human life. Sure, purify it, whatever? But purifying it by getting rid of all the bad people, like the people like hydra and the KGB and the rest."

"I believe that purifying the world from hydra and the KGB is a normal human thought," Tony said, slightly quieter than normal, maybe in an attempt to preserve something of James'.

"I don't think that reading anti-shield hydra propaganda for most of my life was a normal childhood thing," James replied with a slight laugh offeset the morbid truth of his remark.

Reading that propaganda as a child had fucked him up in ways that he could barely comprehend. It had made him paranoid of everything. When he had been younger, walking with his parents he been difficult, walking outside the grounds before he hit 14 had been impossible without at least a gun and a couple of knives. His parents had drilled into him that shield was always watching, that hydra was always watching, that the government was watching him no matter where he was.

It was a shadow that followed him until he was 20 and his parents were dead. But even then, the feeling that someone was watching him didn't fully disappear until shield toppled. He felt guilty for thinking that, knowing just how many agent's lives had been destroyed in the aftermath,but the unmistakeable feeling of (turn around, you're being watched, this person works for hydra, this person works for the KGB and this person works for shield and they all have a gun trained on you, run, run, run) eyes on him seemed to dissipate. At least, he was sure that if a hydra agent was watching him or following him or whatever he would be able to pick them out of the crowd.

"I read propaganda as a child," Tony said, too casual to be anything but serious. "Well, I didn't want to, Howard sort of forced it into me, but that's where my Captain America worship spawned from. That kind of reading material really messes a kid up."

He looked down at Vasily for a split second, the words bypassing his ears due to the miracle of what James could only describe as foolish people doing foolish things on the internet for money.

“Wouldn’t I know it,” James tried to joke, taking a sip of his own fake champagne. Tony had called it ‘shamepagne’ but he seemed to be knocking it back as quick as James, if not quicker.

Talking about his past as an alcoholic had been hard for Tony, harder than it was for James to talk about his past involuntarily hailing hydra in a way. They sat in the park, Vasily playing in the playground, a steaming cup of coffee in each hand and just talked. Talked about the past, the present, the future. Talked about how hard it was for Tony to touch a real bottle of anything with an alcohol content, talked about how he’d blacked out after the ultron fiasco in a drunken stupor because he’d almost killed all of the people he loved, almost killed Jarvis.

(“It’s scary, sometimes, waking up not knowing where you are or what you’ve done or haven’t done,” Tony had said, his eyes tired. “I didn’t want to live like that anymore, I don’t want to die because my liver had failed. Even with extremis death is possible and I don’t want to die face down in ditch after my body gave up on me.”)

“But come on, this is a party-“

“A gala I’m meant to oversee actually,” James interrupted.

“- you’ve got to let loose, stop talking bout deep-rooted childhood trauma,” Tony grinned passing both their empty glasses off to a winter. “Come on, dance with me! Dance with muons! You look like you’ve got a stick up your ass. You look like Cap!”

James gasped, mock hock clear on his face. “Take that back!”

“Nope,” Tony said, pooping the ‘p’. Glee was clear on his face. “Not until you dance with someone.”

“Vasily.” James said, crouching down to look the boy in the eyes. “Would you have this dance?”

“I don’t wanna dance though, why can’t you dance with Tony or miss. Potts, I’m busy dad.”

James took as good a step back as he could, the shock on his face a little more real. “Ok, ok, I see who’s a big boy now. No more dancing with your dear old dad, huh?”

“Tony is practically begging for a dance,” Vasily started, voice lowers to a whisper barely audible over the Sloane of the piano. “Begging. With his eyes. Like puppy dog begging.”

“Ok, I hear you,” James nodded, smoothing down his sons lapel and adjusting the black pansy he’d pinned to his lapel. “I’ll take that dance with Tony. But you, mister, will go and stand with pepper and have conversations with all the nice people come to support the cause, and you will smile and laugh and hold her hand like a good little boy. You hear me?”

“Loud and clear, dad.” James barely had time to get up before the boy was gone, racing off towards pepper with a smile and a wave back at them.

James turned around, straightening his clothes again. “Look, doll, it seems you’re the only one left for me to dance with. I don’t know about you but I’m very eager to have this dance. If you’ll accept it, off course?”

“Come off it Barnes,” Tony snorted, waving him off. “You can swing me across the floor anytime you would like.”

-

“You and Stark look real comfortable.”

James had been expecting Natasha for a while. He would have thought that she would come and berate him a little earlier than this, but he guessed that the added wrench of Tony and his increasing friendliness would have made her sit back and reevaluate what she was going to say and the direction she was hoping to take their conversation.

“Just helping out a friend, that’s all,” James shrugged, reaching for his glass of shampagne again. “I was feeling a bit down, a dance really helped.”

Natasha nodded, though James could tell she was skeptical. More than sceptical, even, trying to find the cracks in his lie. “Fraternisation is forbidden in the accords.”

“Good thing Pepper is my boss and not Tony,” he retorted, while sharm and scathing. “And I wasn’t living. Shamepagne and a dance, some food. That’s all.”

“You and I both know that’s not all.”

James turned around, facing the night sky. He rested his hands on the balcony, the mirror across the ledge providing him a clear look at Natasha. He knew to keep her in his sights. Of everything, he knew not to trust the KGB, especially not the people they had trained to kill.

“You and I both know we shouldn’t go digging into things that don’t concern us and will never concern us.” James turned around again. Staring into mirror Natasha’s eyes wasn’t as satisfying as looking into real Natasha’s eyes. “And seeing as we’re both retrained agents who have knowledge of what to do and what not to do, we should both know when to go looking and when to not.”

“This isn’t a hydra base, you cannot control the situation like you control us,” Natasha sneered, her black widow scowl slipping past her normal blank expression. It was alien on her face, the way the scowl seemed to mould into her features like it was simply an extension of her normal self. “You can not control Stark.”

“Who says I’m controlling him? Who says I’m not doing whatever with him simply because I like him,” James raised an eyebrow. “Oh, but Natasha , you wouldn’t understand that would you? You don’t understand emotion past what they taught you. You don’t understand much past what they told you?”

“And are you any different?” She raised her own eyebrow in response. “Both children of hydra, both poor, poor children of hydra taught nothing beyond what they wanted. We are one and the same, Barnes, no matter how different we are.”

“Oh, but вдова, can’t you see? I learnt how to feel, I learnt how to rise past what hydra has taught me. I learnt how to overcome being a spider, being just a killer. I lost my arm, I lost my parents, I lost my everything and I built myself up from there.”

“You can never loose them, you can never get rid of them no matter what you do, зимний солдат.” James suppressed a flinch at the moniker. It was what his parents had trained him to be, a willing winter soldier. Something more than the frozen bodies in hydras basements and the recalibration chair they had told him of. More than a brain dead supersoldier ally.

“But you see, Natalia, when your precious shield toppled, it indicated my time on the hydra watchlist over. You cut the final string that binder me, unlocked the final chain. It’s only because of you that I am free, so think about that, Natalia. When you destroyed all those agents lives, cut them at the legs-“ he took a step forward, is lips level with her ear, his voice dropping to a low whisper “-you set hydras most dangerous weapon free. You set me free. So when you lay in bed tonight and touch that scar on your hip and think about what you done. Think about the chaos you unleashed.”

James handed off his glass to her, sidestepping the woman as he slid his hand down to the bottom of her thigh, just near her slit, and took out the knives nestled just n the outside, flinging them off the balcony.

“And by the way, it’s white wolf , Natalia. You should know that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> вдова=widow  
> зимний солдат= winter soldier
> 
> My Russian is from google translate so if it’s wrong please just tell em so I can correct it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I’ve been getting really into king princess lately so expect a little something based off of one of her songs. She’s just ... amazing. My little gay heart cannot take it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, it’s really rushed but I’ve been on a strict schedule lately (that I’m failing at) and I’ve been drinking oat milk lately and kits not doing much for my life. I think I might just go back to my regular cows-milk drinking lifestyle and have all my vegan and vegetarian friends make me feel guilty about it.
> 
> (I’m not going to lie, I don’t regret it. I just don’t like the taste of all the alternative milks. The yogurts and ice creams are alright though. Idk, I gave it a try at least)
> 
> ❤️❤️❤️

"I really don't understand what the problem is, Agent Rogers." James' eyebrows drew together as his hands clutched his papers tighter, the picture perfect expression of confusion rested on his face. "I simply done my job. By cutting you and your team out of the call."

"It was unfair!" Steve persisted. "And biased. Just because you favour team alpha-"

"I'm going to stop you right there," James interrupted. "I don't favour any team. Your teams behaviour is what got you cut out of this call. After discussing it with the committee they agreed to cut you out of the next low-risk call. You were unneeded and it served as the perfect way to make you see the affects of your actions. It seems we were wrong."

"I have to agree with Steve in this, Agent Barnes," Sam spoke up, already worsening James' day by just hearing his voice. "There was no need to cut us out of this call. You may say it 'served as the perfect way to make you see the affects of your actions' but as far as I know, we haven't done anything wrong."

"Do you want a fully itemised list? Alphabetical and ordered by relevancy. It's quite extensive so I'm just going to read out the first three offences." James smiled, slow and lethal. "Attempting to break into private, SI property. Attempting to override defence mechanisms put in place because of first offence. And what's this? Attempting to intimidate staff members via group interrogations in an uncontrolled environment with no evidence as to why you done it. Does that seem like enough evidence to you Mr. Wilson? Or must I continue."

"Agent Barnes," Natasha said, her eyes slicing into him with little effect. "As much as we have... offended you, there was no reason to cut us out of a call that could have gone wrong."

"The call wouldn't have gone wrong, as much as you want to convince me it would've."

"There was obviously a chance it could have gone wrong," Barton scoffed, arms crossed and eyes shooting arrows into James. "Stark was on the team."

"Dr. Stark has proved himself to be a valuable and reliable asset to the team in multiple occasions. No it only did he neutralise the threat but find a way to make sure something like this never happened again as well as keep damage to a minimum and help with the clean up afterwards, even if it meant he was late to the post callout debriefing."

"He should have been doing all that before," Steve said, unhelpfully tacking on his own opinion. "He should have been doing all this back when he was part of the avengers-"

"He is a part of the avengers."

"- and by our side. We just want to help him see that he was in the wrong-"

"No. Rogers," James threw his papers down on the table with an hard 'thump'. "He wasn't in the wrong and I'm not saying this as an Accords agents, I'm saying this as a civilian. He wasn't in the wrong for wanting enhanced people to be documented and have check ups and registration and seeing you all on TV destroying airports and people's homes just proved his point. We are not to be left to our own devices.

"Sure, the RAFT was a horrible place made by a horrible person who wanted you at his beck and call for the wrong reasons. And sure, you don't want to be at the AC's beck and call, but weren't you all once SHIELD's attack dogs? Didn't you all once answer to nick fury and nick fury only? Weren't you all once under the arms of hydra and follow them like baby ducks in a row.

"Take it from a man who has been hunted and followed for most of his life, who has connections to evil organisations. I get why you believe you are in the right, but you aren't. Without the AC's protection you could end up like Maximoff, dead in the street with a bullet in the back of her head, the magic slowly extracted from her dead body because what would happen if hydra got their hands on it? She chose not to sign the accords and got shot down like a fucking criminal - which she was - while out trying to steal food.

"We want you to follow out fucking rules and bend to our fucking will for a reason. Not because we have some evil motive or some kind of wish we want to accomplish using your hands as out tool. It's because we've seen firsthand the affects of undocumented enhanced members of society and decided we're not going to watch people bury their loved ones anymore, faces unrecognisable under all the magic and slashes and mutilation."

James huffed out a sigh of expiration, chest heaving as he layer both his hands on the table. "An enhanced person attacked the train that my mother and father were in. They were sent in by hydra and had powers similar to maximoff. Only my mother and I survived and she was so wrecked by the attack she killed herself shortly after I got mark 1 of my arm. The person responsible for all of this was shot dead from a distance the moment the job was done. Undocumented enhanced are more dangerous than any of you think. Sure, some of you may be civilians but you have access to equipment that could make you more dangerous than most enhanced. So when I say I'm not only doing this for your good but the good of the people, believe me, because while the AC is opposed to it, I won't hesitate to shoot on sight of one of you decide to go off the grid and become vigilantes."

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are, Agent Barnes-"

"I think I'm an agent sent here to make sure you all do the right thing and be the right people only to be met with the sight of you eating out of each other's assess like you've never seen more than an arsehole in your whole life." His smile widened by a fraction before dropping, revealing nothing of the thoughts running through his brain, all the conflicting thoughts that clashed like metal on metal.

What the hell was he thinking? Loosing his cool in front of the avengers and revealing a truckload of baggage onto them in the process. He was meant to be the calm one, the one always in control, yet he couldn't even control himself when it came down to it. Couldn't even stop himself from revealing so much of his personal opinion in an attempt to fix them up that he bet didn't even work out.

Admitting that he wouldn't hesitate to kill them? Another one of his worst decisions dumped in his own personal data-dump. It wasn't like it was a lie, he wouldn't hesitate to kill them if it meant it stopped them from going off the grid, but hat didn't mean he had to admit it. They would probably tell the committee and then he could loose his job and that left him without a source of income and that would mean it would be harder to keep his child-

"We're done here," he finished, gathering his things in careful haste and leaving the room without so much as a goodbye, fully focused on leaving the tower and changing out of his suit. As much as he loved them, he wanted comfort not control and comfort meant cushy sweaters and loose t shirts over jeans with the comfiest pair of shoes he could find. It wasn't ideal, it was professional and it certainly wasn't what most would expect him to turn up in for the team bonding exercise going on later that day but they would have to deal with it.

He made it home quicker than he expected, slinging his suit jacket onto the sofa and making his way to his bedroom in quick time, stray clothes finding their way on the bed. He would have to fold them all later but he didn't mind, not when he spotted his favourite soft, grey sweater hanging on the hook of the wardrobe. It still smelled like blood even after so long. Still smelled like a home he could barely remember.

-

He made his way to the tower shortly after dropping Vasily off at Carlina's with a promise to get him later that night if not the next morning.

It still hurt him to see the boy look so sad at the foot of the step, desperation clear in his eyes as he steered him away. It hurt every single time yet what could James do? He didn't want Carlina and Vasily to have a fractured relationship, for him to hate her when he was older. It wouldn't be fair on either of them and over the years, James had learnt to be fair and push his own emotions aide for the better of the people.

He sighed again, his head tilting back as he wound his flesh hand into his hair, tugging sharply. It helped release the tension, turn some of his pent up energy into something painful and sharp that he could focus on.

He tied his ponytail again, a little tighter than usual, and swung out of the car, turning it off as he sipped on his coffee. He was early, that was for certain, and normally he liked being early, but this wasn't a business transaction or a meeting or a debriefing, this was an event, a time, where he was meant to be himself and eat junk food and hope to hear the reasoning behind other people's ignorance. (Not that he thought there was any use for hearing it, in the end they were all idiots who had no sense of what they were doing and liked to eat out of each other's arse for information instead of looking with a trained eye.)

But he didn't think it aloud be a complete failure. It would be his chance to properly get to know the new avengers, update his files on them, laugh and joke around with Tony and the other accords members without fear of being unprofessional.

Tony had been understanding, had taken all his faults and hang ups and terrible thoughts and stored them away where it would be safe. It warmed something in James knowing that each caress could be something bigger, that they both knew that when they stopped fooling around in the dark they could be something better.

But it always got him thinking back to Natasha, the way her eyes had slid over him judgementally. The way she seemed to look past the sharp suits and easy going smile and Brooklyn drawl to the cold Russian underneath, the howling wolf caked in blood and gore and vengeance. She had always scared him in a way that was not understandable. Knowing when he gone through what he went through and knew what he knew and could have been what he shook him to the core. Natasha could have been better, she could have been mor than the black widow, more than a ridiculous program hell-bent on making children into soldiers and girls into warriors.

Each time he looked at Natasha all he could see was the places where he could have failed, where he could have turned away. She had been made into the perfect black widow, loyal to only herself. It had always confused him why she had taken Agent Rogers word like a repentant sinner to the bible. If everything they said about her was true then it should have been Steve eating out of her hand. As much as they tried to convince him Nat lived for herself, she didn't.

(You can take the girl out of the nest but you can't take the nest out of the girl. They taught her to be loyal to someone other than herself, to never trust her own instincts and go off another's. As much as she was independent and fierce and assessing, she needed something to cling to. First the KGB, then SHIELD, then the team. What use was a soldier if they had nothing to fight for?)

It wasn't like you couldn't beat the tenderness out of a person. It's not like you couldn't shape someone to be what you wanted when you wanted and only yours, but those base level human instincts came back to you when you least expected it. For Natasha it was in the team, a sense of belonging not allowed in the black widow program. The feeling of hands and touches and caresses that didn't scream violence, that didn't scream hurt.

He understood, to a point, and that wasn't the reason he disliked her (that rested more on her faux sweet tones and rapid fire mood changes). He could understand the need to cling, even if he had shed it a long time ago, and he would never fault her for it for as long as he lived. No t when he understood how harrowing it was to lie without the safety of the nest, even if the nest was made of barbed wires and the other baby birds were more likely to kill you than help you.

"Mar. Barnes," JARVIS said, softer than usual. "Should I call sir to assist you? He is on his way to this level as we speak."

"Thank you, JARVIS," James said, burying his face in his hands because god, it was hard to pretend your past didn't hurt you when no one was around and all you could do was compare yourself to another person. "Tell Tony I said thank you, please."

"Sir says 'it's no problem'." The soft, accented voice of JARVIS helped him out of his haze. The AI always had an uncanny knack for knowing when anyone was lost in the traps of their own mind. James guessed it had something to do with the fact that he monitored their vitals and hormone levels 24/7 and could tell when their average had spiked or decreased. It was helpful when Rogers' temper reached worrying heights or when James was ready to throw a person off a cliff and dive right after them.

The elevator door opened with a a soft swoosh, revealing a grinning Tony clutching a plate. "I bought sandwiches!" He announced, way to happy even when he looked like he hadn't slept in at least 2 days. "They may be a little messy and the bread a little squashed but it's still all the fundamental ingredients of the sandwich! And look, I even bought you coffee knowing full well that you've already had a cup or three!"

"Like you can say anything, coffee addict," James shot back, relaxing into Tony's easy hold on the hood of the car. "But thanks, I think I can fit another cup inside of me anyway."

"It's a wonder you haven't died with the amount you consume," Tony said in jest, already handing over the throthy mug. "I have extremis on my side, you don't. All you have are you weak human genes-"

"Not entirely human," He interrupted, "at least I don't think. I've had a hunk of metal attached to my arm and operated on for the better part of 15 years. I don't think no human could face that, maybe Deadpool’s weird friend but he isn't a regular human even."

"I'm pretty sure that a virus, not a consensual modification. He doesn't respond to my questions anyway, so how should I know?" Tony tucked him up tighter against the crook of his arm, stroking lazy fingers down his metal arm, fingers dragging on the rivets and indents. "It's a beautiful piece of tech, no matter how you got it, and anyone would love to get their hands on it."

"You included?"

"Darling, I want to get my hands on more than just your arm." James barked out a sharp bite of a laugh, hair shaking wildly as he threw his head back. "What? It's true," Tony continued, "you're so fucking cute, with your adorable smile and grey eyes and pout-"

"I don't pout! I scowl and snarl and bark and bite-"

"In your dreams puppy. Hard on the outside and for on the inside is what you are. Like a toasted marshmallow." Tony grinned, pulling at him tighter. "A very crispy toasted marshmallow that likes to avoid his problems in unhealthy ways."

James sighed, knowing that it would come one way or another. "It was all just so... still. I couldn't focus on anything other than myself and Natasha."

"Natasha?" Tony echoed, already pulling away.

"We had a talk, at the gala. She knows a lot more than she lets on."

"And your mini break down has to do with Natasha because?"

"The black widow program," he said, another sigh already on his lips. "We went through the same program, the same propaganda, the same training courses and lessons and rituals and yet we turned out so different. And I can't help but see me in her. I can't help but see all the place my life could have gone wrong, all the places where someone could have helped her to be better. And I know its unfair of me to do that, but i really can't help but get tangled in our similar pasts. It doesn't help that she knew me before I became me, when I was still the winter soldier of most peoples nightmares. Before I became the white wolf, before I became just regular old James Barnes."

"I'm not going to lie to you and say that you and Nat aren't similar, because you are. And I know you compare yourself to her in some misguided attempt to stay humble or connected to your past or whatever, but I'm here to tell you that shit doesn't wwork," Tony sighed, taking a long sip of his coffee. "Do you know how mamy times I've compared myself to Cap or to Howard just today? I dont know either but even as I do it I'm not going to lie to you and tell you it's made me a better person, if anything it's made me more bitter and hateful of them and myself. Seeing all the ways I was them and not them. All the ways I could have been them. It's not the same as what your'e doing with Nat but the basics of it is that you’re comparing yourself to her even though you know deep down that you two are nothing alike.

"And its unhealthy, I think we both know that, but we were raised to believe that you always had to be better than someone or something else to become the best person you could be, and weve carried that ideal on into adulthood, despite our best intentions to shake our ... parents hold on us. It's hard, I know, but you are not like her. You're like yourself. And thats all you ever have to be."

-

It was hard to concentrate, too hard to focus on Agent Rogers all american vice when Tony was rubbin circles into the side of his hip.

Cap was fucking up whatever he was talking about and it was all the more painful for James because he was right. The team was fucked up beyond recognition, too detached and power hungry and ureasonable. But what made it all the more painful was that all of his points were wrong. So wrong that James didn't even understand why they let him offer them all up to them like a skeleton to a bunch of fed wolves, something fun for them to play with while they all waited.

He had taken all of James points and made them horrible. Worse than horrible. We had taken all of James' points and made them into a shadow of an arguement, so distorted and ruined that he could only catch glimpeses of them. Not only that, but his arguement was so boring and repetitive. James had said it once and he would say it for howerver long it took. Steve Rogers was not a decent conversationalist, in reality he was a horrible one. Sure, he knew how to argue and kept James entertained enough to follow but no matter how nice his voice was, he couldnt properly say his point, always switching and changing without any clear plan.

Sam, he found, was more suited to getting his point across, even if he floundered when it came to negotiation. Barton had always let his emotions - anger especially - get the best of him, making him unsuitable for a civil debate. Scott was alright, and James tended to leave him alone. The man knew when to shut up and let the tides flow, he knew when to roll over like a trained dog and always followed his orders to the point. He was decent and just wanted to atone for what he had done, and for that, James couldn't fault him.

The new Avengers seemed alright, even if he didn't know them all that well, and under the guide of Colonel Rhodes had profitted. he didn't bother himself with them, not when Pepper Potts was just around the corner if they ever floundered, not when Rhodes was ready to whip them into shape if they ever went off the rails. it was very unlikely, after all, to have a fiasco similar to the Accords one again. People had learnt their lesson and had realised just what would happen of they went of the rails like the other Avengers had. Namely, exile.

"Thank you, Mr. Rogers, for expressing your opinions without hostility." Without hostility, his ass. But Timothy had always been good at getting people to calm down just enough for someone else to shoot whatever they said to hell and back with minimum tension. It was what made him a good person to keep around, a good almost friend. He knew when James needed to talk and when he didn't and he was a valuable asset to the team.

Someone scoffed. Hope Van Dyne, if he remembered correctly. "He just slandered our name and lashed us using his words and you call that expressing opinions without hostility?"

Timothy smiled, slow and gentle. "He didn't lay a hand on any of you when you opposed his views, did he, Miss. Van Dyne? I think that is progress if we take into account the teams previous encounters."

"He did the bare minimum, it’s really not that impressive," Spiderman ( who James was certain lived somewhere in queens and was in fact, a child ) said, and it was clear he was rolling his eyes even under the mask. “He could stop slandering us, specifically Tony, and I don’t know? Do his job!”

“I’m not allowed to do my job, not with the accords on my back,” Steve repeated calmly though James could see his jaw tense and his eyes flick upwards for a second. Too small and insignificant for the untrained eye to notice.

Timothy merely smiled a little more, eyes zeroing in on a previously unresponsive Pietro. James wasn’t sure why they had forced him to go to the meeting, the guy was obviously in need of a good nights sleep, not a session of min-numbing anger and high tensions. He wasn’t taking anything in his life well and it showed.

The deep circles under his eyes had just gotten darker and the twitching of his hands and feet and face increased until it seemed like he was a blur. He ate more, far more than he ever had, and most of the time James saw him he was chewing on a some sort of food it’s seemingly blank eyes, always startles when James pointed it out. It worried him, seeing him like that. He had always felt the need to protect him. It was like he felt the need to protect stray animals. He knew the man could protect himself, but it didn’t seem like he wanted too.

Even on the field, he was sluggish and jerky and most of the time James would tell him to just not partake in call-outs in fear that he would collapse on sight. Even watching, he could see the staccato way his chest rose and fell, heaving under the it took to even take deep breaths.

His mouth worked nervously, chewing around words he would never say. “I’m not, I don’t want to-“ he started, glancing nervously at the doorway.

“It’s alright,” James offered up, suddenly attentive. “Take however much time you need, right Tim?”

Timothy nodded, folding his hands on his lap and letting his eyes drift back to the man.

“I don’t think we are a good team,” he started, voice soft and gravelly. “And I think Steve was right, in a way, but not for his reasons. I think we should be better, not just better fighters but better people. Should stop badmouthing the accords and all. If my sister had signed the accords she could be alive, ya know? Not 6 feet under with cuffs around her wrists incase she ever wakes up. She could be alive and kicking and fighting alongside us and it just- it makes me mad that you think we would be better off without it.”

“Pietro, “ Steve started, “Look-“

“What Agent Barnes said this morning was correct, if harsh. The accords are a safety net for us to fall back on, their the only reason Hydra hasn’t gunned me down like they did Wanda. The only reason I’m still alive. I don’t want to waste my second chance fucking around and playing like a puppet doll to the wrong mans tune, if the AC tell me to jump I’m just going to ask ‘how high’. It’s not about me anymore, it’s not about this war we’re all fighting with ourselves. It’s about the people. The people we’ve loved and lost, the people that are coming into this world. The people who are really just a speck of dust in the bigger picture. When we’re not fighting our own demons we’re fighting theirs and if the accords help that happen, I’m going to follow them.”

“Pietro is right,” Tony admitted, hand curling around James’ hip under the blanket. “It’s not about us, not when people are out there relying on us too save them and their family, to help them in their time of need. It’s not about being a guard dog or whatever, it’s about standing up for the little guy, the guy that doesn’t know how to fight. It’s not about this team or that team, it’s about communication and making sure we can all work together, so that when the next threat comes we’re prepared.”

Tony’s voice held a sense of finality, something solid that James could hold. Every word had hit something deep inside of him. Something that made him remember just why he had taken the job in the first place. He wanted to protect, to make his save count higher than his kill count. To make sure that for ever person he hurt there was three that he saved. He wanted to atone for his wrongs and it seemed that everyone there, sting in that room, thought the same thing.


	8. Chapter 8

James stood on the doorstep of Carlina's home, clean cut and sophisticated. There was some sort of morbid enjoyment in turning up to her house in a suit, surrounded by things that were well-worn and visibly old.

James had never imagined himself in a small apartment, too used to the large halls in Russia. Too used to empty corridors and cold floors. It made stepping into a place so small and homely an odd experience, a rarity in his life filled with glitz and glamour. It didn't make it any less boring, though. Dinner with Carlina had always been boring, too mundane and messy to suit his tastes.

It wasn't like his own dinners were formal, far from it, but they held some modicum of a routine. Dinner then dessert, no computers on a Thursday, movie night was on Friday. Always. Dinner with Carlina meant last minute salad with limp lettuce, it meant awkward conversation and meaningful looks, it meant not fitting in.

Carlina had made a home for herself in the house he was a stranger in, had managed to wedge herself between Alexander and Charles. That sort of domesticity suited her. To her it was a well worn ugly jumper, to him it was a mess of yarn and clashing colours.

(Back when their relationship was falling apart, she had called him Greed, had called him one of the seven deadly sins and god, he'd accepted the name like he'd been born with it. Yes, he was greedy, yes he wanted and wanted and wanted, but with good reason. What was the point of being born so deadly if your couldn't use your skills to take what you wanted?

She'd left him soon after Vasily had been born, had left him to his money and riches and his baby. Had left him with everything he had ever wanted.)

"Carlina," James said in lieu of a greeting, stepping over the threshold only to sink into her thick carpet. "Thank you for having me."

"You say that every time, James," she said, a sigh heavy on her lips as he took off his shoes and placed his jacket and blazer on her homemade coat hanger.

"It's bad to break routines." She cast him a soft look, tired if anything. They'd come a long way since aching, there was no place for feelings between them. They'd seen where it had gotten them a long time ago. "And I am thankful."

"You're always thankful," she said, each word a thick, sludgy lie. He hadn't been thankful for the death of his mother, he hadn't been thankful for loosing his arm, he hadn't been thankful for her, not near the end anyway. "It's a you thing."

"It's a polite thing. You should always make it known to your host that you appreciate their invitation. Say it with the right amount of conviction and it will come across as an insult."

"Passive aggressive politeness? You really are a snob." She idly fixed her shirt, running a hand through her hair as she went. He could tell she was moving onto a more serious topic just by the way her hands bunched into the hem of the fabric and her teeth worried at her lower lip.

"How was Vasily?" He asked, taking the tie out of his hair, letting the it tickle the u derailed of his jaw. "I was meant to take him to the bookstore today but my meeting overran and I've got some paperwork to go through." He shrugged, leaning against the wall opposite the large mirror.

"The parents at his school were judging me. Especially since today was 'parent brunch' or whatever and I had to attend because you couldn't."

"There was a brunch today?" James asked, eyebrows knitted in confusion. "At Felicity's?" Carlina nodded. "I can't believe I missed it."

"Are you not concerned about the fact that I was judged an inch of my life? They ridiculed me! Apparently wearing jogging bottoms and a worn, slightly stained hoodie outside isn't good decorum." She rolled her eyes, gesturing to her hair. "And I should apparently try and tame my tangles and work the knots out of my hair."

"You should," James said absently. "But all the parents judge, all the time. It's just... something that comes with the package. If you went to Felicity's it must mean that Nina, Daphne, Helen, Richard, Diablo and maybe Phillipa were there "

"And a Cairistonia and a Percival."

"Percival? Now I'm really sad I wasn't there, I haven't seen him in a long time," he sneaked a look at her angry expression. "But as I was saying. We judge, it's what we do. Not unfairly, we understand that other people don't live the same as us, but it must have been a shock to them to see you again."

"They thought I was the nanny or something, you never talk about me." She shot him a betrayed look, eyes flicking to the living room door. "They didn't know I was his mother."

"You don't rally make an effort to be seen around our parts with him," James sighed, "sure, there's resemblance, but these are people that have never seen you next to him, or would acknowledge you at all. I've known these people for the better part of 7 years, ok. From daycare to kindergarten to elementary. I can count on my fingers how many times you have engaged in a conversation with them."

"We have nothing to talk about," she said, arms folded and legs crossed.

"Art, wine, food. It doesn't have to be personal or intimate. I can assure you, as much as they all see like rich snobs, well... they are. But they're dorky rich snobs."

"You have no evidence to back it up," Carlina said, a small frown on her face as she watched James pull out his phone.

"I've got the pictures from Nina's 37th birthday party, plus, the group chat." He clicked onto the group chat, watching as the number of messages coming through increased.

"'Hot parent squad'," she read out, leaning forward. "You guys sure do have a lot of self confidence."

"I swear it used to be called 'Home-wrecker society' or something like that. Maybe 'Rich bitches' I don't know. It changes a lot."

"They're talking about me," she commented, swiping up to where '#1Puta' or Diablo (not that Carlina it was him) had carefully broached the subject of her. "I think they're discussing what it looks like I do for a living."

"Yeah, probably. Dick thinks you're a gardener, Phillipa is 90% sure you're a painter because you have an 'art-hoe' kind of aesthetic which is, wow." James turned the phone back towards him, firing off a text that explained she was a gardener not a painter. "Now they're talking about fan fiction and erotica. See dorks?"

"Rich dorks, not regular dorks."

"They weren't always rich, well, not these people, but I know for a fact that Darwin was in an orphanage for some part of his life, fighting the other children for food until he was adopted by his father and trained to take over his empire." He looked up again, rolling up the sleeves of his button up. "But I'm not here to talk about my choice in friends, I'm here to have dinner and collect my son."

Carlina stood stock still, eyes narrowed slightly and fingers twitching. She still didn't like them but they weren't there for her to like, James liked them and was proud to call them his friends and that's all that mattered.

It wasn't a lie that James preferred a certain type of person (snarky, confident, reliable), but that didn't mean he didn't appreciate all their odd quirks. They were smart and funny and they liked him for him. They liked that he liked things and that he could let loose and drink them all under the table. They liked his arm and accepted his questionable past. They liked that he was passionate and snobby and a bit of a brat, if he was honest, and in return, he was there for them.

What they had as a group didn't count as a business transaction, didn't count as a means to ends. What they had was good.

-

Charles smiled at him from across the table, offering him the pepper grinder. "Nice to see you again, James."

"It's nice to be here," he responded, as he did every time.

Charles, mind numbingly ordinary as he was, proved to be a decent conversationalist at dinner, even if he had a hard time following James' train of thought.

"I don't normally attend other people's family dinners so it's quite nice to attend when I can," he continued, taking a bite of his pasta bake. "And it's good to check up on ... extended family."

Alexander looked over at him, blond hair messy and tousled, vitriol clear in his eyes, too young and cutting to understand. James had never really had a relationship with the boy, not really seeing any reason to. Alexander was not his son or responsibility, he was Carlina and Charles' son. He didn't have to get involved with their family past their connection to his son.

"Mr. Barnes," the boy started, "I didn't see you at the gala."

James blinked, realisation edging its way into his mind. "I didn't really make it a point to find you, I'm sorry for that. But work is work and there were some ... pressing matters at hand."

"We talked to Tony Stark," Charles interjected, "he said that he knew you. That you were good friends."

James tried not to snort, friends didn't cover it. If friends kissed each other passionately and made out behind closed doors then yes, maybe they were friends, but they weren't. They were boyfriends. Not that he could let anyone know for the foreseeable future, not unless he wanted someone to either a) out them to the media b) give them a heart attack or c) cause a riot.

"He makes me sandwiches," James said, an explanation but not at the same time. "And we work together. He's also fun to be around. And he's killer on games night."

"He said you have him saved as 'angry little man' on your phone and he's apparently got you saved as 'Jamie dodger'."

"We had a jammie dodger eating competition and I let on that I love them and now he won't let it go," James said, a hint of a smile on his lips. "But he's really not that cool, a little dorky-"

"You must love that word," Carlina said, "You've said that word at least a couple times today."

"Not my fault that everyone I know is a massive nerd, right Vasya? All of them nerds."

"Tony even cuts the crusts off the sandwiches to feed to pigeons," he said, grinning and kicking his feet under the table. "He says it's because he wants to feed the pigeons but daddy told me it's because he hates eating the crust. He also said miss. Pepper hates the crusts as well but I don't think miss. Pepper eats sandwiches."

"I'm sure she does," Charles said good-naturedly, confusion resting on his brow.

"She's never bought one to our lunch shin-digs so I'm pretty sure she doesn't but I'm not gonna be the one to ask if she does. I think she's got this thing about bread, though, cause she wouldn't even jump on the avocado toast trend and she loves avocado."

"This is not what I expected when I thought 'dinner conversation', I was thinking something more along the lines of work," Charles commented, taking another scoop of pasta. "On the topic of work, I'm pretty sure all my coworkers hate you so be warned. I think it's over some kind of publicity thing but it seems really trivial."

"Finance department, right? I started ditching more of their workroom ideas and forgoed the recliners for the beanbags that R&D suggested because they all have very shitty taste in recliners."

"They were pretty-"

"They weren't, they really weren't. And anyway it's not my fault, I was just the deciding vote." James shrugged, taking another bite of pasta and a sip of his lemonade. He'd declined the wine, explaining that he didn't drink anymore, and poured his lemonade into a wine glass in an attempt to at least fit in with the other adults. "And the beanbags are great, aren't they? Squishy, reminds me of that Peter kid I see around R&D and fabrications sometimes."

"Parker? I talked to him at the gala," Alexander said, eyebrows raised. "He looks nerdy."

"He is," James deadpanned. "We're all nerdy, that's why we work at SI. Being nerds is our favourite pastime."

"It's true son," Charles said, casting a look at his son. "We like nothing more than a good equation."

"Publicity department live for drama, it's exciting when we see other people flounder and fail."

"Brat." Carolina hissed under her breath. "Pitiful."

"Thank you for the compliment."

-

The door to the apartment clicked shut with only a push of his heel. He would check that it was properly locked later, what mattered was that Vasily was in bed and properly asleep.

He set the boy down on the floor, taking out a set of pyjamas and turning them the right way as the boy brushed his teeth, nodding off a little. It was late, later than usual, and it showed on his face. James hadn't been prepared for them to get home at that time, not when he had expected their usual song and dance of passive aggressive, near politeness. He hadn't been ready for whatever that had been. It had been almost familiar, almost nostalgic. Something better than what they had.

He wanted to say that he hated it, but not even he could deny himself the p,easier of saying he enjoyed it almost.

"You all set," James whispered, tucking the duvet around the boys limp body.

Vasily groaned turning over and pulling the spare pillow over his head, prompting James to back away.

He closed the door behind him, flicking off the lights as he went. He was bone tired himself, his day packed full of back to back meetings full of people who couldn't seem to just do what he said and so it properly. It was like he was the only functional member of society and even then, he didn't seem to be functioning very well the moment the sun went down.

James stripe off his shirt and trousers in quick motions, replacing the stiff material other his soft, thin, sleep shirt and jogging bottoms. He took his phone off charge, following familiar muscle memory until he got to Tony's contact, clicking on the call button. It was one am, and as much as he wished the man was asleep, he probably wasn't. He hoped he was though, just so he wouldn't feel guilty about waking him up, and so he would have a chance to talk to him before he fell asleep.

Tony picked up after two rings, the sound of his feet padding against the floor of wherever he was acting as a beat to follow.

"Oh, hey sweetheart! Any reason why you're calling me at one am when I know for sure you're meant to be asleep?" His voice was slipping into unexplainable territory, already slowing everything around James to a stop. The air seemed still, the watery moonlight stopped shifting and his breathing slowed into something steady, something consistent.

"I just wanted to hear your voice." He really did, he just wanted to hear Tony's voice and imagine the man and let the image of him kill him to sleep.

"Oh did you now?" Tony said, his smile (not that James could see it) thick in his voice. "Just wanted to let me talk you to sleep didn't you?"

"You have a nice voice."

"I have an even nicer face, one that you didn't get to see today." If James was a worse man, he would have thought that maybe tony sounded jealous. He wasn't though, he knew from experience. He was simply sad, not that that was any better. James detested making the man even the slightest bit unsatisfied, too lovestruck and hung up on him to even entertain the thought.

"I had back to back meeting the whole day. Not that I enjoyed them, just boring meetings with what's left of SHEILD and avengers management that I probably would have and should have shelved onto other people."

"You know I think you overwork yourself-"

"You have no room to talk on that subject," James interjected, voice softening into something smoother.

"-and you should lay off on the meetings and that's why I'm booking a day off for both of us tomorrow!"

"Never do this to me again," James deadpanned, the smile slipping off his face. "I've got so many meetings, so many for,s to sign and things to authorise-"

"That's all taken care of!" Tony said, laughter flowing over the line. "The wonderful thing about this age is that everything and envy thing can be changed whenever. So now your assistant -your very, very talented assistant Claudia- who really wants to actually do some work for change other than bringing you coffee and handing off your paperwork, is going to be covering for the day with your other tow assistants, Jean and Maxine! Great, isn't it?"

The line was silent for a little while, the crackle of the breeze of wherever tony was filling James' ear. "I wish you would have asked me first-"

"Really? Ok. Let's forget I ever said anything. We can go to work and pretend this never-"

"But," James cut in, voice louder, "it would be nice to have a day off, especially if I get to spend it with you. I haven't had a ya off work in... well... a long time? I don't know. Vasily's birthday, then the couple of days before Christmas then that one day he was sick which was goodness knows when."

"This is just proving my point," Tony said, the panic seeping out of his voice, "You need a day of good food, good company and good music. No paperwork, no stress. Just me and you and whatever we get our hands on."

"I have to take Vasily to school though and maybe I have a brunch to attend? It's kind of hit or miss with these kind of things. I was going to decline but if I have a day off I don't know if I can decline. Besides, I haven't seen my friends in a long-"

"I would love to meet them!" Tony interjected, the sound of something clattering ringing over the line.

"You would love to meet them?" James repeated, slightly stilted. Their... relationship had never been a thing they had designed to discuss with other people. He knew Pepper and Vasily knew, possibly Rhodes as well, but other people? It was a topic neither of them had broached.

"As a friend of a friend, I understand you- well, neither of us," Tony amended, voice slightly hoarse, "would like people to know of the nature of our relationship, especially not with the way the public feels after the civil war."

"It was barely a war, more a battle. Maybe a kerfuffle that ended horribly."

"A playground fight," Tony added, the beeping of a microwave sounding in, louder than it should be. "An international playground fight that left many dead and many more angry."

"I never said it wasn't a deadly playground fight." Bucky yawned, hand curling over his mouth. "But still, it would be tactically to keep... us? Us. Keep us a secret."

"Even though I'm an out and proud bisexual guy and I think you are too, it would bring a certain type of homophobe out of the woodwork, one that I don't want you or your family to deal with." James smiled slowly, a little wry. God, he felt so much for the man, he wondered how his broken body could contain it all. He was so caring and felt so much and was so kind and it showed. Showed in his gentle movement and great smiles and the occasional flash of blue in his eyes. It showed in his walk and the way he would help almost anyone that needed his help. It showed in his hugs, the casual warmth. It showed in his voice, the slow caress of his fingers.

God, James could love this man. He hoped he was around long enough for him to be able to.

"That's- that's true. I didn't even think of that. Thank you. The last thing I would want is for Vasily to be exposed to that kind of hatred,"James whispered, eyes growing heavy. "You always think of everything."

"I'm a genius honey, thinking is what I do." Tony's honeyed voice dipped lower, morphing into something that was perfect for the night. Something that reminded James of the scent of ginger and pomegranate covered in something just the right amount of sweet and smoky.

“You do a lot other than thinking,” James reminded, “like drinking coffee and making me sandwiches and avengers work.”

“But the whole time? I’m thinking about anything that crosses my mind. I think a lot about you.”

“I think a lot about you too,” James said, voice cutting through the sleepy haze. He could almost feel Tony’s smile, and god, if only he could see the man. Those words? They were as close to I love you as either of them were going to let on for a while, too used to seeing their heart broken and in the dirt. But that? They were content with that.

James was content with how much of Tony he had, and that was a scary thought. In every other aspect of his life he was content but in relationships? H had always wanted more (he was greedy, he was greedy, he was greedy-) and it had led to the demise of what the had. With Tony, that problem didn’t seem to be there. He was content with what he had with the brown eyed man. He would continue to be content unless Tony wasn’t, then he would work harder, work better, let go when the claw marks got too deep.

He was content being scared because being scared meant he got Tony. Being scared meant he got to continue feeling whatever he was feeling. He wanted to be scared for the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg so I’ve been gone for a long time but hey? I guess. I was just working through some things (my entire coffee store, the raven on my windowsill, my ever growing lost of fuck-ups, my constricting intimacy issues and commitment issues) getting over some things (the loss of my coffee machine) realising some things were just simpler, even if they weren’t necessarily better (the start of my instant coffee phase) and overall just being me.
> 
> All jokes aside, I have been trying to improve myself as a person, hence my prolonged season of not updating. Now, on the other hand, I should update faster and update with longer chapters even if I can’t be accounted for the amount of angst I deliver.
> 
> On another note, my queen phase? It is not a phase! It’s an addition to my way of life. Queen has just become another things for me along with several cups of coffee and cheesecake. I just love it. ‘Love of my life’ is the saddest love song I’ve ever heard and I’ve been playing it on repeat for days.
> 
> Spoilers for captain marvel below:
> 
> So I watched captain marvel! Twice! Once on my own and once with all my friends and can I just say that I’m crying tears of joy. Like carol is the biggest lesbian I’ve ever seen and if goose isn’t a accurate representation of cats I don’t know what is??? Also nick?? Fury?? And absolute babe. Carols appearance in the new endgame trailer?. Stayed me?? Tony’s appearance?? Bought me back to life. I’m currently living in that hazy period between life and death.
> 
> I hope you all are doing well and that your feeling good!! If you’re nit I’m always here to vent. My tumblr is @wilder13 so you can go there and message me or just check out all the shit I reblog.
> 
> Comments and kudos are the lifeblood I pour into my coffee every morning, I love seeing them.
> 
> Anyway, have a good weekend and thanks for readi


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this bitch disappeared again!!! I fell in love with myself and ever since then I’ve been living my best life, I even ditched the evening coffee for a wine glass of punch!! It’s delicious,! Lemons, cucumbers, Fanta, lemonade, tropical juice and copious amounts of ice. I have a tub of ice cream with me right now! I’m enjoying myself dudebros. 
> 
> My overwhelming love for Diego from umbrella academy has spurred my serotonin levels to overload and I almost died, surrounded by my various pillows and notebooks and pens. My best friend woke me up playing queen. I felt amazing.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you’re all doing good, if not feel free to vent about it to me. On Instagram I’m @im.not.heterosexual, on tumblr I’m @wilder13 feel free to come and vent to me whenever. I hope you’re all safe and happy!!!
> 
> Here’s the link because I’m dumb and just figured out how to do this 
> 
> [Link to 20biteen](http://wilder13.tumblr.com/)

Tony thrummed with excitement, extremis howling through his body like wind. It turned him into something blurry, something otherworldly.

James loved it. He loved seeing the man like that; eyes alive and glowing with a fierce intensity. He loved it, loved the way he burned up and glowed blue and turned into a mess of grabby hands and feet that always seemed to be moving. What he didn't expect, was for him to be that lively so early in the morning. Previous data showed him to be anything but lovely at 7 am. If anything, Tony spat in the face of liveliness in the wee hours of the day. He spat in the face of being well rested. Seeing him up and ready and bright eyed was an anomaly and it scared (and excited) James to no end.

"I can't believe I let you have the key to my house," he said, taking a sip of his coffee, piling more whipped cream into his mouth, shovelling half a strawberry in after it. "Coming in all happy and so, so bright and chipper! Can we not just be grumpy and grunty like normal."

"Nope," Tony said,, voice still too happy. "It's our day of fun Jamiepoo, being happy in the morning is a perfect way to start of the day. Isn't it, Vasily?"

"Daddy is saying actual sentences which can't be good," the boy replied, kicking his feet like always, wiping cream away from his face. "And before he's had his full cup of coffee as well! Something is happening and it's weird."

"Your father is finally getting accustomed to someone forcing him to talk in the mornings out of free will! It's revolutionary, a feat of true extremes. Absolutely-"

"Horrible, it's horrible." James concluded, reaching for his second cup of coffee. "Here I am, in my dressing gown, completely unaware of my existence and alive by sheer force of will, being forced to be 'chipper' in the morning. Hate? What I have for this. Love? Non-existent." He sighed, pushing his chair back and putting his plate in the sink. "I am going to get changed and by the time I'm back I expect a lot less happiness and more grunts."

"Trainers! Wear trainers!" Tony called after him, hands flailing as he sneaked Vasily another small smile. "Does your dad own jeans? I don't think he owns anything that isn't a suit-"

"I can hear you Tony! Don't think I can't hear you!"

-

James slid into the car, flashy and red and opened topped, letting the watery New York sun shine through. James was glad he opted to wear sunglasses, not too keen on letting his red rimmed eyes be exposed to the sunlight.

Surprisingly, he did own trainers; a pair or red converses a little too worse for wear but still fit him, just nice enough to go with his jeans and heather grey shirt. He had never bothered getting new ones, not when he lived in suits, jumpers and slightly more minimalistic trainers. He'd forgotten just how much he actually loved the tomato red shoes.

"You look.., good," Tony said, eyes running over him appreciatively. "And you're wearing trainers!"

"That means you owe me 20 dollars Tony," Vasily said from the backseat, kicking his feet as he ran his hands over the leather seats. "With each day 3 dollars gets added."

"I see I've taught you well." James hummed, smoothing down the curl on Vasily's head that refused to lay flat. "All my business tactic lectures paid off, didn't they."

"I just really wanted to say that, you dint have to do it if you dint want to Tony, but I won those 20 dollars fair and square."

"Tell you what kid," Tony grinned, eyes flashing. "I'll give you 50. 20 dollars because of our original bet, another 20 because that was really smart and 10 dollars because I wish I'd thought of that first." He handed over the crisp note, eyes flashing blue just as the car came to life, backing out of his parking spot and onto the road, going just below the speed limit.

Driving with Tony was amazing, partly because he was an extremely good driver, partly because he was an amazing conversationalist and partly because the comfort that radiated from him could lull you into a silence that made you feel cherished. Wanted. Needed. It drew people to him and made them want to stay, even if he would drive them away with harsh remarks and biting comments. He could argue with the best of them and it showed and it kept you wanting and wanting and wanting until he decided he didn't want to give you more.

He still couldn't (he wouldn't) see how a man as amazing as Tony had managed to get the rogues to hate him. Sure, there were some questionable, downright vicious, aspects about him, but it was expected. No one lived the life he lived and came out of it completely fine. No one lived through all that pain and anger and tragedy without feeling the need to cause it at one point. Tony was a genius, billionaire, philanthropist. He was the man taking them to the future, how anyone could hate him was beyond him.

"You're thinking might hard over there," tiny said, pulling into an available parking space. "100 dollars for your thoughts."

"That's not how the saying goes."

"I don't feel like you're the type of person to accept a penny for priceless thoughts. I'm hoping 100 dollars will win you over." Tony held out the bill, edging the folded paper through his fingers, waving it after some time. Vasily looked up, eyes still fixed on the screen in front of him.

James took the money, putting it on the dashboard. "You're amazing," he said, letting the statement hang in the air. "You're so, so amazing."

"Trust me I'm really-"

"No, you are." James sighed, cold hand moving to envelope Tony's warm one. "You're amazing and you don't know it."

"I know that I've done a lot for the world but trust me sweetheart, I'm not that great." Tony smiled sadly, fingers twisting into James' carefully, bringing their hands to his mouth, pressing a searing kiss into his knuckles. "You're jaded, darling."

"I'm not, I'm really not. You're amazing and you don't even know it. No person I have ever met has put this much into protecting people, caring for people. Everyday you give a bit of yourself away and you know it and yet, here you are, saying you're not amazing. You can be obnoxious and overprotective and high-strung but it doesn't mean you're not amazing. The fact that you can recognise your faults makes you all,the more amazing."

"It's called self-reflection sweetheart, everyone does it."

"Do you think I would be able to pick myself apart like you do? Sure, it makes you an anxious mess, but it also makes you want to do better. I can say that I'm vicious and cold and uncaring sometimes but it doesn't mean that I'll activity try and change my ways. Not in this life or the next."

"You don't need to change though, you're... you're you." Tony's eyebrows knitted together, a confused expression ghosting over his face. "And you're amazing and kind -hearted and observant."

"So are you, sweetheart, so are you."

-

Vasily gripped James' hand tighter, hand reaching to find Tony's. It was a cute sight, though familiar, and James thanked every unknown deity that his son liked Tony.

"I'm going to pick you up today so make sure you're ready and since I have the day off we can go to the park and maybe go to that cafe owned by Florian." James grinned, crouching down to meet the squirming boy at eye level. "So remember, behave yourself and have fun. Me and Tony will be here after school. Just enjoy yourself."

"Okay dad, you can go now." James pretended to wipe tears away from his eyes standing up and curling into Tony's side in mock hurt. Tony played along, slinging a hand around James, face contorted in mock anger. "You've done this hundreds of times before, today is no different."

"But now I haven't got work to keep my mind off of my poor baby-"

"I'm not a baby!" The boy insisted, hooking his bag onto his designated hook, turning around again. "You look desperate, dad, you need to move on."

"I've gotta be cool, relax-"

"Wait are you singing 'A crazy little thing called love'? Ok, I see it now, as much as I love Queen, you really need to leave before you embarrass yourself or something-"

"My whole life is a series of trauma and embarrassment softened by coffee and money." James stared ahead, smiling before breaking out into a laugh, slow as molasses. "I'm kidding, I'm having a good life. Better than a good life."

"I would hope so, you're too cute to be sad."

"Dads not cute. He's... dad-ly. I'm cute, not him," Vasily said, verging on the side of self-important. Not that it mattered, he was a kid and kids were meant to view themselves as the centre of railway.

"I bet you look just like your dad when he was younger, just with your mother's eyes. You're gonna grow up to have his jawline and his scraggly beard-"

"My beard is perfect!"

"-and his height. I bet you'll be as tall as him. But you don't need to worry about that right now, off you go. To class, I mean. This is a school and you learn in schools and such. So yeah. Go do that and then we can go and do all the shi- stuff, stuff, you dad said we would. Deal?"

"Deal."

-

"Thank you for the save back there. Schools been a sore spot for him at the moment. He's an energetic child," James started by way of an explanation. "He's been getting in trouble a lot and it's never really happened before so I don't really know how to deal."

"Don't worry, sugarplums, you're an amazing father and I'm sure at one point you'll know how to go about it all. Better than my father at least, who seemed to forget that ignoring a child won't make them behave better or fuck them up less. Or that beating a child doesn't make all that go away."

"Tony..." James started, turning his hand palm up so he could string his fingers between Tony's.

"No, it's alright. I've had a long time to deal with it all. It doesn't make my childhood less fucked up, but I know that there were some good aspects about it and I know how to focus on those good aspects rather than say my childhood was a whole shitfest, which it was, don't get me wrong. But it was more 3 quarters of the way shit. I mean, childhood beatings are horrible, punishment in general was horrible, but when I clouded ten and my father started ignoring me? That was infinitely better than what had gone on for the first ten years of my life."

James paused, trying not to think back to the first time he got a severe punishment and it left him black and blue and wishing it wasn't like that. He tried not to think about how the next day, when he came to breakfast, all his bruises out of sight, and they all pretended nothing happened. He tried not to think about how it felt when his lip split open again and the blood ran all over his chin as his mother stayed down at him, talking his chin up with her heels, and walked away. He tried not to think about all of that.

(The problem was, he wasn't trying hard enough.)

"But my childhood was at least better than the shit he did to my mother. She mad it all worth it but sometimes I wish she had just left when she had the chance to. The shit he put her through was just-"

"You don't need to tell me," James said, hooking his chin over Tony's shoulder, hoping to radiate some kind of love towards the other man.Tony leaned into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I know I don't need to, but I want to." Tony paused, "but maybe not together now. This day is meant to be about helping you relax, not unloading a bunch of my childhood trauma on you."

"I think your forgetting that I had a pretty traumatic childhood as well, masked behind the curtain of love and paranoia. Tony, I don't care, I'm here for you all the time, as a friend, as a coworker, as a boyfriend. I like you for you, and liking you means that I'm here for you. A shoulder to cry on, an accomplice in a murder, someone to just talk to. I'm a Barnes and a Kholodov and that means we protect our own. We care for our own."

The silence between them was heavy. Tony stared into his eyes, face softening slowly as he pulled James into a kiss. "This. This is why I could love you one day. You're a goddamn gift from god-"

"You don't believe in god."

"-and I don't even believe in god so you've got to believe me now." James laughed out loud, leaning into Tony to press a giggly kid to his cheek.

"Awweee, so cute, Jamiepoo, light of my life, breath in my lungs-"

"Ok stop! You're ridiculous," James said, curling up underneath Tony's chin, wrapping the man's hand loosely around his metal wrist. "You're absolutely ridiculous, off your rocker, in the clouds-"

"I would much rather be in something else." Tony wiggled his eyebrows provocatively, tightening his fingers around James' wrist for a second before allowing himself to relax again, pressing his thumb into the panel just underneath the door handle. "I'm joking, I'm joking, as much as I like you were not ready for that yet-"

"That doesn't give you permission to render me immobile by making sex jokes. If you cared about me you would suppress your urge to make jokes about fornication." James pressed his lips together, hair swinging as he turned his face away from Tony, crossing his arms with a loud 'humph'.

"I can't believe I have a child for a boyfriend. The moment you put on those converses work You switched dimensions with another You. There's a You in another dimension probably wondering how the fuck then ended up in the one multiverse where you decided to become a part-time vegan cafe worker."

"Ok. Oddly specific. I hope I end up in the multiverse where 10 shots of espresso doesn't give me a heart attack. On a completely unrelated note, when I was 19 I used to go to this one vegan cafe where the coffee was blue and the waitress didn't care that I would sit in the corner looking haunted. She offered me a vegan cookie one time. It wasn't bad."

"Words of high praise coming from a person who is heartless." Tony turned his head, looking James right in the eye. "Don't look at me like that! Remember that time you said 'pe-cahn' for a week straight because I forgot to get you those salted caramel ones? Yeah, remember now? I was cringing for days." Tony shook his head, pausing at the stoplight.

"But it was the last time you forgot my pecans? Right? It served as a good way to make you see the error of your ways, despite the fact that I had to sever my own dignity because of it."

"You had dignity? When? Let me write it down, because last time I checked it's been one-hundred-and-twelve days since you said anything that was worthy of being called 'dignified'." James rolled his eyes, pulling out the pack of jellybeans that he knew tonykept on him at all times.

"I'm going to eat all of the jellybeans in this pack and you won't be able to stop me."

"It's alright, darling, I bought them for you anyway."

-

"A karaoke bar? A daytime karaoke bar?" James tapped his foot, noticing the leather jacket Tony had eased him into, covered in pins and patches.

The pins were all unique, ranging from broken and static TVs to sweet endearments and a bunch of plums, scattered along his laps. The patches looked to just be anything available. Some frayed, some brand new, some that he wanted to find and by just so he could run his fingers over them.

"Really?" James said, gesturing to the pin exclaiming 'Bi-tter' and the patch spanning across his arms saying 'just the tip' over knife with blood dripping from it.

"What? I need people to know that not only are you Bisexual, but that you will kill them if they get too close. Also, to make up for it, I've taken your Harry Potter obsession into account and added like 25 Harry Potter references to your jacket. You're welcome," Tony said, laughter on his tongue as he hooked a chain onto the belt loops of his tailored trousers, pulling off his sunglasses and putting them into the cubbyhole in the back seat of the car. "And also, it's an underground thing and we're all stoutly refusing to remember that it is nine am. They're doing a two week long karaoke event for some reason and I know the guy running it. From 6 am to 10pm every day for two weeks."

James paused, shoving his hands into the warm jacket. "You don't have to drink," Tony continued, "because you have a child and Vasily will always come first, and if you genuinely don't want to be here we can go and do-"

"No." James said, a hard look on his face. "We're gonna go in and do this and have the time of our lives. As long as they do lunch."

A slow smile spread over Tony's face, as bright as the led lights shining in the alleyway. James lived for that smile, the way it would overtake his face, crackling blue with every inch it took over. It was pure joy, a weaving of affection and hope and happiness and something unexplainable that left James reeling because damn, sometimes this smile was put on Tony's face because of him, and if that wasn't the best feeling in the world then what was?

"Ok. Ok." Tony grinned wider, blue veins glowing slightly as he hooked his arm into James', leading the man away from the car and down the staircase, nodding at the tattooed man (Freddie, Tony had called him) and the bouncer (Vinnie) before leading james down further, down a corridor then another, shorter, staircase.

"They're in a relationship, didja know? I walked in on them making out once when I went to the front desk to ask to buy one of the patches-he tapped the patch of the bottle wrapped in a skeletal hand, 'Dionysus inc.' embroidered in a font that reminded James of the 'Lush' logo, "- and there they were, Freddie had his hands halfway up Vinnie's shirt and I almost died 'cause I swear someone said 'Daddy' and to this day is still don't know who said it!"

James laughed, taking his hair down. "Long and complicated history?"

"I knew them since they were 19, basically babies! And to know that they were calling someone daddy? I barely survived. I know Freddie's mother! I could barely look her in the eye when I visited her sandwich place! He's like... in terms of friendships, my not so distant cousin."

"He's an adult, no reason for you to be mothering him."

"He's only thirty-"

"And I'm only thirty five, I don't see you attempting to mother me?" James raised an eyebrow, leaning against the door frame as Tony leaned down too kiss him, too hot, too heavy.

"That's cause I wanna do other things to you. I'm not trying to mother you, I'm pretty sure you could out-do me on that field. You've hadn't least eight years of experience on being a mother hen, don't think I didn't see you worrying at Vasily's birthday party last week."

"It was a valid concern!" James argued, though his lips was tilted upwards in a way that could only express what he really was thinking. "I was being perfectly rational when I insisted we not set things on fire. James paused. "But I'm not here for that, right now. I'm here to sing terribly to all of my favourite songs."

-

James did not sing terribly. Sure, he sang hesitantly, but that hesitance was overpowered by his absolutely amazing voice. His voice captivated the room as he went from 'somebody to love' right into 'good old-fashioned lover boy', slowly becoming more and more confident.

"You sing like an Angel!" Tony shouted, stealing a bite of James' poutine and barbecue chicken, extra spicy. Enjoying the slow blush that spread over his face, he continued, "I can't believe you sing so beautifully!"

"I can hear you, you know," James said into the mic, just as the guitar riff started, "and I won't hesitate to pull you on stage with me for the next song."

Tony grinned, looking up at him, "bring it on bitch," he said, taking the offered mic, climbing on stage next to James, spurred on by the espresso he drank and the cheers of the crowd, drunk and sober, as the dj shouted '9 to 5'. Tony wished he could capture James' facial expressions at the precise moment he knew he was fucked. 

Instead, Tony flung off his leather jacket with a grin, pulled a tube of cardinal red lipstick out of his pocket and applied it carefully and as quick as pepper when she had a meeting in a minute. He'd probably gotten a bit on his beard and if you looked too closely it was probably patchy but that didn't matter, he had a stack of hundred dollar bills in his pocket and a whole lotta confidence.

"You ready," he mouthed, bouncing on his feet as James gave him a quizzical look. "I'm a bad birth you can't stop me."

"I can't believe you had lipstick in your pocket the whole time," James mouthed back, before throwing himself into the song.

James was sure he had never seen Tony move like that, almost glowing in the dim lights. It was sensual, it was flexible, it was immersing. Sure, Tony was no professional dancer but anyone could tell his drops and splits were almost perfect, and paired with his facial expressions? James just wanted to melt. He was sure that when Tony winked he'd had an out of body experience like the ones that Dr. Strange talked about, but no, he was still clutching the microphone singing the last few lines of what could only be described as an amazing song.

People had their phones out filming Tony on stage, no doubt going to post it on social media, but James didn't care. He didn't care then and he would care later when it because a PR carnival for him when the video became trending and Tony would loose his shit because Tony was melodramatic and impulsive.

When the song ended and Tony finally brought himself up from his dramatic dead drop, throwing another wink on stage, James threw his arms around the man, no thoughts about publicity or anyone else in his mind as the other man wrapped his arms around him in a tight hug and pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.

"If you ate my chicken I will literally kill you," James whispered into Tony's ear, completely unafraid. "You'll be dead, dead."

Tony simply laughed.

-

"Had a fun day at school?" James asked, grinning at the boy in the backseat. "I had a fun day at karaoke."

"We went and mixed in with the younger people and I found out your dad can sing," Tony added cheerfully, lips red from biting and kissing James in dark corners when he was convinced no one was watching too hard. "And that he really likes barbecue sauce."

"I found out today that math is hard and that cooking is even _harder_ ," Vasily said with the air of a child who thought they were (and possible actually were) wiser than their years. "I also found out that Clyde Jones is really, really rude, he told Delaney she couldn’t play on the swings because she was wearing a dress and then he told me my hair looked dumb.”

“It’s doesn’t look dumb! It looks very pretty,” Tony said. “My hair was always too short to do proper ponytails and braids but when I was younger I always wished my mom could do them for me, she had the prettiest hair.”

“I bet Clyde is just jealous that his hair is really short and that he can’t do his hair like you,” James said, smoothing his hand over Vasily’s hair slowly, pressing a kiss to his tanned skin. “But you need to brush your hair, Маленький волк, it looked like a birds nest and I know for a fact that the last time you properly brushed you hair was at least four days ago!”

“But папа, я ненавижу расчесывать волосы, ты можешь сделать это для меня?” He attempted, his accent barely passable.

“Hmm,” James pretended to think, “I’ll think about it.” He said, knowing full well that he’d end up doing it for him. “But don’t worry about it for now.”

Tony raised a brow at him, a smile on his lips as James nodded, confirming his suspicions. He turned his eyes back to the road, hands lacing into James’ silently as Vasily rambled in the background, entirely too angry for an eight year old. This, James thought, was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Я ненавижу расчесывать волосы, ты можешь сделать это для меня?= I hate combing hair can you do it for me?

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven’t noticed yet , this is really shitty. Anyway , comments make my day , I really appreciate them. I hope you enjoyed this shit show anyway.


End file.
